Leave it to Pimp Mama Kris to try to snatch the attention away from Tom Brady and the other football bitches on Super Bowl Sunday. QUICK! Tom Brady, scandalize people again by mouth-kissing your son on camera to bring the attention back to you and football!
20-year-old Kylie Jenner announced today that the newest member of the koven, which she made with 25 year-old Travis Scott, was born on February 1 at 4:34pm. If you’ve got a giant case of the sads today, take a little comfort in knowing that there’s someone out there who is sadder than you and that someone is definitely Tyga. Tyga wishes he would’ve busted a baby-making nut in Kylie so he’d secure a child support check for many years to come.
Kylie never announced that she was growing a baby in her body, and in her announcement, she said that she chose to keep a “Privacy Please” sign on her bump, because she knew that people speculating that she was Kim Kartrashian’s surrogate would get her koven more attention. No, Kylie says that she chose to go against everything her fame whore family believes in (aka privacy) for the sake her daughter. Kylie didn’t want to stress her out, but please, that baby is already stressed from thinking about being PMK’s new client and from worrying about the filler needle that will be jammed into her too-thin newborn lips after she’s born.
Kylie may have pulled an anti-PMK by not whoring out every second of her pregnancy, but it seems like she’s going to slowly trickle out details about her baby for maximum attention. She didn’t tell us what she named her daughter. I’m guessing she’ll name her daughter the name of the lip kit that isn’t really selling. Kylie’s gotta find some way to move that stock off the shelves.
Because Kylie kept the baking of the 894,985th Kartrashian-Jenner from her fans (yes, we’re living in a world where Kylie Jenner has fans), she shared a really fucking long video of moments from her pregnancy. Chicago West makes her internet debut at the 8:27 mark (SPOILER ALERT: she looks like a baby) and at the end of it, Kylie’s unnamed baby makes her internet debut (well, her hand does anyway). There’s also a very awww-inducing moment at the 9:18 mark when PMK says that she can’t wait to exploit her latest grandchild. No, I didn’t hear wrong.
PMK also tweeted this today:
— Kris Jenner (@KrisJenner) February 4, 2018
There are so many typos in that tweet. Let me fix them for, PMK:
“My lord Satan is SO good!! I am so excited and thrilled to welcome another precious money maker to my every growing koven. I am blessed beyond belief with MONAY, MONAY and more MONAYS thanks to my koven of ATMs. Bleheheheheeh!”