They’ve been dragging the final installment of the 50 Shades franchise out like a tantric orgasm yet it still doesn’t hit theaters until Valentine’s Day. But the day we’ll be all 50 Shades Freed from that mess is almost here so both of its stars have been making the rounds. Wet noodle Dakota Johnson was on The Tonight Show this week and the other wet noodle Jamie Dornan was on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
In the interview, Jamie tells Jimmy that he had to wear a “wee” bag for his dick while filming his sex scenes. There is no avoiding the fact that Jamie is a hot piece of Irish ass so when he talks about his dick, my loins sit up and listen. He can thank his fellow countryman Colin Farrell for the fact that when I picture an Irish dick, I picture a fleshy tallboy of Guinness.
After joking about the actual size of his dick bag (he claims it’s not actually wee, more like a “travel case”), Jamie related a story about getting his first ever crocheted peen cozy fitting for the first 50 Shades movie. He says he walked in and was given an assortment of cock socks to try on and once he found his Cinderella fit, noticed that article had “inmate #3” sewn into the label. He assumed he’d be getting a brand new schlong sling but turns out they were recycled. Jamie said that he didn’t think “inmate #3” sounded sexy at all but he’s clearly never seen Christopher Meloni in Oz.
In the interview he also said that he and Dakota have more of a “brother/sister” type relationship as if that weren’t obvious given the chemistry between them is about as titilating as the watching the color show up on the little piece of paper when testing the PH balance of a Dixie cup full of milk. Also, when Jimmy asked if he’d seen the movie he confessed that they “make you see it” and that he showed up to the screening drunk on beer and cringed his way through the whole thing which is totally relatable.
Here’s Jamie’s interview. You can hear him talk about his penis pouch starting at about the 1:10 mark.