You may be thinking that Dane Cook knocked up a chick 26 years ago without knowing it, and he was recently reunited with his secret 19-year-old daughter and here they are bonding over shakes. But that 19-year-old is singer Kelsi Taylor and she and 45-year-old Dane Cook are currently doing it full-time. I see that Dane is going from being accused of stealing a comedian’s jokes (Louis C.K.) to being accused of stealing another comedian’s (Jerry Seinfeld) dating habits by doing a teenager.
Dane and Kelsi, who has sang background for Demi Lovato, having been sharing their genuine, everlasting love on Instagram since at least April 2017. And nobody outside of his fanbase really noticed until yesterday when Dane posted a little love note on IG to his barely legal boo:
The next few months are work hard / play hard ones. I’m grateful to my friends and fans who continue to support my artistic endeavors. I can’t get to where I’m going without this foundation of support. My sister & right arm @_courtneycook_ – talented & helpful x10000. My gf @itskelsitaylor who quite simply is a gift. #bestlaughs
I’m sure Dane Cook will tell anyone that yes, he’s got skid mark stains in worn-out tighty whiteys that are older than Kelsi, but she’s wise beyond her years (read: she hot) and the most mature woman he’s ever met (read: she hot, young and does a good job at pretending to laugh when he tells her a joke). And Kelsi will tell you that Dane is extremely kind (enough to pick up the check every time they go out and go on a trip) and is caring (enough to buy her a new car. Yes, it’s a Honda, but a sugar baby gotta start somewhere, you hating bitches!).
Anytime I’m forced to talk to a teenager, we usually just grunt a “hi” at each other before going back to looking at our phones. So I’m not sure what Dane and his girlfriend talk about. She probably goes on about last night’s Riverdale as he stares blankly, wondering when they’re going to do fuck times again, and then he takes a look at her wrinkle-free youngin’ face and makes a note to visit his Botox doctor the next day. Speaking of…
Dane Cook has never looked hotter and I’m only saying because he’s looking a little Mickey Rourke-ish (with a touch of Carrot Top) in the face.
And here’s pictures of Dane and Kelsi from her Instagram. She must be an “old soul,” because I thought that most teenagers think Instagram is a dusty relic now.
Kelsi may be acting like she’s in ❤︎~in love~❤︎ with Dane, but is she really? I mean, if you truly loved someone, would you post a picture of them looking like a frat bro Santa:
I’m sure Dane and Kelsi’s beloved union will last until the end of eternity. Or he’ll dutch oven her one morning, and she’ll dump him to find a more mature boyfriend. Either or.