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January 26, 2018 / Posted by:

Oprah’s Third Hand!

A seriously important war went down on the internet yesterday. The people were divided over Reese Witherspoon’s Possible Third Leg on the cover of  Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue. Some swore that their eyeballs were seeing Reese Witherspoon’s secret third leg. (If Laura Jeanne Poon really had a third leg, she would’ve used it to kick that cop for fucking with her rights as an AMERICAN CITIZEN. The only star in Hollywood with a third leg, that I know of, is Jon Hamm.) Others, like me, saw the lining of Reese’s dress, not a third leg.  But while Team Three-Legged Poon and Team Dress Lining scratched each other’s faces off, a real Photoshop mega fail (or third limb unveiling) was hiding under everyone’s eyes: THE MIGHTY O’S THIRD HAND!

In a different picture on Vanity Fair’s website, Tom Hanks is saying something like, “Listen, we’re gonna get Chet Haze’s DNA tested, because there must’ve been some baby-switching going in the hospital,” as Reese sits next to Oprah who has two hands on her body and one on Reese’s waist. Either the Photoshop artists at Vanity Fair were too busy scrubbing a skid mark from the cover and forgot to take a Magic Eraser to Oprah’s third hand after copy + pasting Reese onto this picture OR she’s been hiding a third hand this entire time. If Oprah changes her mind about running for president against Trump, expect him to demand to see her birth certificate since she’s obviously a three-handed illegal alien from another planet!

On Twitter, Reese laughed about her third leg, and Oprah laughed about her third hand. This is totally something alien people with extra limbs would say to distract us all from the fact that they’re really alien people with extra limbs.

Vanity Fair tweeted that Reese’s third leg was actually her dress lining, but they admitted that Oprah’s got a third hand in her picture with Tom Hanks. But her third hand is as real as the Kirk Cameron/Stormy Daniels story we fell for.

Real or not, I’m still pushing for OprahsThirdHand2020!

Pic: Annie Leibovitz/Vanity Fair

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