For Once And For All, The Mighty O Is Not Running For President (Or So She Says)

January 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Everything’s coming up O today! No, I’m not talking about the several Os I busted out after reading that my dream job (In-N-Out manager) pays $160,000 a year. I’m talking about another kind of O: Oprah!

Oprah is on the cover of Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue (next to someone I’m told is Nicole Kidman, but believe is really an android of a 20-something Naomi Watts), and she’s also on the cover of InStyle. Oprah’s interview with InStyle was done three weeks before her speech at the Golden Globes, which made many put an Oprah2020 sign on their front lawn. But InStyle’s Laura Brown must have the future-seeing spirit of Miss Cleo running through her veins because she asked Oprah about running for president. Oprah made it clear that she’s not looking to downgrade her opulent lifestyle by moving from her lavish Montecito mega estate to the raggedy shack known as the White House.

The topic of President O has come up several times, and so Laura Brown became the 3,982,957th person to ask Oprah for her thoughts on the whole Oprah2020 thing. Even though Gayle King keeps spamming her with notes from people who want her to run and she got an offer from a possible campaign manager (it was Sadie Winfrey, and she would make an excellent campaign manager), Oprah is going to do something selfish FOR ONCE by not saving us from Trump!

[Laughs] I actually saw a mug the other day … I thought it was a cute mug. All you need is a mug and some campaign literature and a T-shirt. I’ve always felt very secure and confident with myself in knowing what I could do and what I could not. And so it’s not something that interests me. I don’t have the DNA for it. Gayle—who knows me as well as I know myself practically—has been calling me regularly and texting me things, like a woman in the airport saying, “When’s Oprah going to run?” So Gayle sends me these things, and then she’ll go, “I know, I know, I know! It wouldn’t be good for you—it would be good for everyone else.” I met with someone the other day who said that they would help me with a campaign. That’s not for me.

“It wouldn’t be good for you – it would be good for everyone else.” Whatever Oprah was planning to spend on Gayle’s Best Friends Day (June 8) present, she needs to double it. Because Gayle went above and beyond with that extra slobbery ass kiss. And now that the topic of Oprah running for president is closed (until three weeks from now when the rumor starts up again), we can focus on other Oprah-related questions that need answers. Like what in several thousand fucks is going on with Oprah’s Wrinkle In Time Barbie?

Mattel is gonna get it for this one. That isn’t Oprah. That’s a deranged clown alien whose head got squeezed to near death in a vise.

Pic: Phil Poynter/InStyle via Instagram

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