Assault With A Flying Burrito: A Taco Bell Tale

January 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Some revolutions start with one small, quiet act: A whispered conversation in a dark alley, a covertly passed note exchanged between strangers, a silent but deadly fart emitted on a crowded city bus. And some revolutions start with an explosion of hot cheese. Well, one revolution started that way.

An unnamed Taco Bell employee, according to Bangor Daily News, took revolutionary action by flinging a piping hot burrito at a co-worker who told him to “stop being a crybaby” about having to work the morning shift and for squabbling with his colleagues. Would they dare call Fidel a baby? Would Robespierre get a dressing down for cussing out Danton cuz he always leaves the bathroom door open after taking a shit? I think not!

The victim of the assault says that as soon as her back was turned, the employee “slung a hot burrito at her”.

“She stated that when he threw the burrito, the melted cheese got all over her left arm and went all down her left side and leg,”

What’s more, the victim reported that the “thwack heard ‘round the world” left several kitchen appliances smeared with cheese.Fox Carolina adds that the freedom fighter followed up the carnage by taking a proverbial run for the border.

The suspect then took off his headset, broke it on his knee, tossed it aside, and walked out of the restaurant, per police incident reports.

The police are pursuing a warrant on Taco Che, as he has come to be known, but are unsure what crime he will be charged with. Whatever the outcome, with one dramatic act of fuckery, Taco Che has guaranteed his name will be forever heralded as a hero of the revolution against the tyranny of annoying co-workers and jacked up morning shifts. A statue in his honor will be erected in Steven Slater Plaza later this year.

Pic: Instagram

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