The entire country of Portugal probably gasped until their lungs collapsed on Sunday when one of their most precious landmarks, Cristiano Ronaldo’s face, got kicked during a match. I don’t know how you say “NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!” in Portuguese, but I do know that Crispy probably internally screamed it so hard that it’s a miracle his head didn’t explode.
During a match between Crispy’s team Real Madrid and Deportivo La Coruña, he dove to the ground and was kicked in his most prized possession by player Fabian Schär. Crispy was laid out on the grass as he his bloodied up mug was checked out by medical professionals, and I’m sure he asked them, “Does my gorgeous face look like my bust now?” Crispy was able to get up and went full Crispy by immediately using his doctor’s phone to see if his beauty was still intact. People on Twitter laughed at Crispy’s ass for checking his face on a phone, but they shouldn’t have. This is serious! To Crispy, getting hit in the face by a beauty-hating cleat is probably the worst thing to ever happen to him.
Crispy is going to be okay, but he have a purple eye when he was papped during training yesterday. For Crispy’s sake, let’s hope his eye fully recovers and doesn’t affect his second favorite thing to do after staring at his beauty in the mirror. I’m talking about bulge-gazing!