Consider your childhood dreams of ever becoming Mrs. or Mr. Ricky Martin shattered because he’s officially married to Jwan Yosef, who is absolutely hotter than all of us so we never really had a chance anyway. E! News is confirming that Ricky and Jwan have dotted all their Is and crossed all their Ts and are now each other’s ball and chain. And now I’m imagining their beautiful lovemaking which, in my fantasy, involves a lot of greasy, sweating lifting and throwing of balls and chains.
E! shares the scoop on the nups.
Although no formal celebration has taken place, the 46-year-old singer says he and Jwan Yosef have done everything else to prep for the special occasion.
“We exchanged vows, and we’ve swear [sic] everything, and we’ve signed all the papers that we needed to sign, prenups and everything.”
Ricky told E! “I’m a husband, but we’re doing a heavy party in a couple of months, I’ll let you know.” Who do I have to fuck to get an invite to this heavy petting party?
The couple is promising a huge bash, and Martin says guests can expect to party for three days, although they still don’t know precisely where this celebration will take place.
“The typical three-day party, the dinner, the rehearsal, the party and the recovery. You’ll be the first to know,” Martin says.
Typical three day party? This wedding is sounding more like Burning Man by the minute. And I don’t appreciate Ricky teasing that E! is getting an invite to this shindig but the rest of us plebes will have to stay on alert for his Instagram story to drop. Ricky continued to GLOAT!
“It feels amazing! I can’t introduce him as my fiancé. I can’t. He’s my husband. He’s my man,” Martin says.
Ok, that’s enough Ricky! You don’t have to rub our imperfect noses in it!