Some think that Demi Lovato set a trap for Henry Cavill by following him on Instagram before posting that picture of her with chichi balls and liking two of his pictures. It worked, because he followed her back and liked and commented on one of her pics. Here I was thinking that Henry Cavill only looked for girlfriends by going through headshots provided by his publicist. But really, if all it takes for Henry to follow you on IG is to post a picture of you in white lingerie, then Victoria’s Secret outlet, here I come! And my tits are bigger than Demi’s too (I’ve been drinking a lot of soy milk) – HuffPo
I was going to say that Duchess Kate’s dress looks like it was made using a tacky grandma’s dining room wallpaper, but I don’t think there’s a grandma who is tacky enough to choose wallpaper that ugly – Lainey Gossip
Diane Krueger apparently wants to marry Norman Reedus, and well, one good thing about marrying him is that you never have to worry about him using up all your shampoo – Celebitchy
The inevitable happened: A RuPaul’s Drag Race/Disney mash-up – Towleroad
Last week, Taryn Manning proved she’s nothing like the character she plays on Orange Is the New Black, Pennsatucky Doggett, after throwing a hissy fit online about the $199 Adrianna Papell mall dress she unknowingly wore to the SAG Awards. If Pennsatucky found out she was wearing a $199 mall dress, she might be like, “Fuckin’ yeah, fancy mah shit up.” But Taryn wasn’t nearly as thrilled and said she felt like she had been “used.” I got the message – Taryn doesn’t like it when you pull an affordable gown fast-one on her, case closed. But the case isn’t closed, and Taryn is still talking about the dress.
After hundreds of Hot Slut of the Days, 11 Hot Slut of the Months and billions upon billions of votes (or if you want to get technical, dozens upon dozens, and yes I’m being generous), we can finally crown our new Hot Slut of the Year. Miss Hot Slut of 2017 doesn’t only win a title that I’m sure they’ll have engraved on their tombstone, but they also win a prize package consisting of absolutely fucking nothing because I don’t have a budget!
Without further adieu-doo, our Hot Slut of 2017 is….
It was Ellen DeGeneres’ 60th birthday on January 26, and the celebration episodes of her show air this week. She tweeted a photo of her posing with Michelle Obama and Jennifer Aniston yesterday, and I assumed that meant they’d spend an episode celebrating by reenacting an episode of Friends since Michelle seems like SUCH a Monica. Instead, we got to find out what was in that Tiffany’s box Melania Trump handed her on the front steps of the White House the day of Donald Trump’s inauguration.
Vanity Fair is doing a series called Secret Talent Theater, where stars of their Hollywood Issue cover show off their secret talent. Oprah was up first, and she showed us that her secret talent is pulling all of our dicks, because she claimed in her video that her talent is cleaning up dog shit. Oprah really wants us to think she cleans up her dog’s diarrhea from the carpet herself. O, please, when one of Oprah’s dogs caca on the carpet, she doesn’t use one of her three hands to grab a rag to clean it up. She uses her hand to grab a bell to summon her minions to pull the carpet from the floor, burn it immediately and replace it with brand new carpet.
Next up was Nicole Kidman, who surprisingly didn’t show us that her secret talent is that she can morph her face into that of a 20-something Naomi Watts (see: the Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue cover). Nicole’s secret talent is that she can eat bugs. “What an amazingly rare talent,” said the people all over the world who eat bugs. If you’re impressed that Nicole doesn’t gag when swallowing a live hornworm, don’t be. I think she got rid of her gag reflex from repeatedly holding in the heaves while watching Scientologists give Tom Cruise a sloppy wet rim job (and I mean that figuratively and literally). And someone is definitely fapping to Nicole swallowing down a worm all sexy-like.
Fun fact: Did you know that you can buy crickets on Amazon? I found this out when I ordered some after Nicole said they taste like a hairy nut. I prefer my nuts on the smoother side, but a desperate slut like me has to take what he can get.
Rose McGowan’s E! docuseries Citizen Rose premiered last night, which means Harvey Weinstein, or “the monster” as she calls him, was bound to get a new batch of bad Google alerts. Harvey’s team attempted to do some damage control by digging through his email archives and found what they consider to be a conscience-clearing conversation with Ben Affleck.