Archives: December 2017
Afternoon Crumbs
After getting arrested for public drunkenness, resisting arrest and allegedly threatening to kill everyone, Luann de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of New York City has announced that she’s going off to rehab to get help. Well, if Luanne is sobering up and planning not to drink anymore, I guess that means she’s off the show. Because it’s nearly impossible to stay sober while partying with Ramona Singer. Even standing next to Ramona causes a trick to get secondhand wasted – Reality Tea
Taylor Swift’s boyfriend is probably going to spend New Year’s Eve with her, and he’s probably contractually obligated to wear an I Heart T.S. knitted sweater to her party – Lainey Gossip
Billy Idol might be a kitten killer – Celebitchy
Roseanne praised Trump for being a fighter of pedos and anti-Semites, which makes sense since you know, Trump endorsed an alleged pedo anti-Semite – Towleroad
Don’t You Just Hate It When Your Date Destroys Your Warhols In A Rage?
Bringing a piece back to your place after a first date is never a good idea. One, you don’t really know them. Two, they could be one of those freaks who are into cuddling after fucking, and it’s always awkward to kick a one-night-stand out of your house. You should only hook up with a first date in your car or the bar bathroom. That’s what smart people do! But some high-profile millionaire lawyer in Houston broke my first date rule by bringing his piece back to his mansion, and it ended with him having to call his insurance company after some of his precious art was damaged and with her getting a mug shot worthy of the Faces of Meth Hall Of Fame.
Open Post: Hosted By Italian Granny Vs. Google Home
If by some miracle I’m still alive at 85, the last thing I’m going to want to do is be tortured by some infernal piece of technology. I’ll happily live out my golden years listening to my favorite songs on the old iPod mini I’ve been holding onto since 1999. I’ll take a pass on your futuristic brain implants, your robot DJs, your pulsating holograms or whatever new-fangled technology they’ll have by then. I will not get played like this Italian Granny did by her ungrateful children who’ve filmed her giving a new Google Home the old college try.
I really want hear “Hey Goo Goo” as a club hit. If the internet can make that happen for me, 2017 will have been worth all the pain.
She’s developing quite a complicated relationship with this thing! Yes, she’s scared when it correctly tells her the weather, but she’s also not putting up with any of its bullshit. She raps her fingers on that thing like I’m sure she’s rapped on some naughty grand kid’s forehead. And what happens when Goo Goo won’t play your favorite song? Well technology is dumb and sometimes it’s just easier to do the damn thing yourself! Nonna doesn’t have time for your games, Goo Goo. By the end this is clear. No more polite “Hey“s, no more laborious “OK“s. Just “do it!“.
Pic: YouTube
Kyle Richards’ House Was Hit By Burglars While Her Family Vacationed In Aspen
TMZ says that the Encino, CA home of Kyle Richards and Mauricio Umansky of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills mansion got burgled on Wednesday night while they were away in Aspen, CO with their family. The break-in happened the day after the family left for Aspen
A housekeeper discovered that the burglar (or burglars) broke in through a window. More than a million dollars in jewelry, including $150,000 worth of Mauricio’s watches, were stolen. Kyle’s jewelry was stored in a locked box, and it’s not known if the thief/thieves made off with that. Police know the break-in happened around 1:15am because a closet sensor was triggered. The home’s security system wasn’t on at the time, but it’s outfitted with a number of security cameras, so police hope to catch who did it.
One of TMZ’s sources is suspicious that Kyle and Mauricio’s break-in was an inside job. Their house has been under construction for a while, and there’s a lot of people going in and out. The house wasn’t ransacked, which leads everyone to believe the burglars knew exactly where the good stuff was located.
Several years ago, Kyle’s sister Kim Richards accused Kyle of stealing their mom’s Palm Desert house. So of course I’m suspicious of who this alleged burglar is, but I’m not sure Kim isn’t the culprit. After all, the burglar only took jewelry and watches. If Kim wanted to steal a house back from Kyle, she’d telepathically message Tony and ask him to do her a favor and move a house with his mind.
Pic: Instagram
Rose Marie Has Died At 94
This is bound to be sad news for fans of sitcoms, vaudeville, hair bows, grandmas on Twitter. Deadline reports that Rose Marie, born Rose Marie Mazzetta, star of The Dick Van Dyke Show and multiple other things over a nine-decade career, has died at the age of 94 in Van Nuys, CA.
Guy Fieri’s Times Square Culinary Mecca Is Closing
People always say Conde Nast shut down Gourmet Magazine because readership was low, and it was an elitist magazine at a time when the financial crisis had everyone worried about more important things than a last-minute puttanesca. But that’s a total lie. It was because they knew Guy Fieri was planning to open Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, and once it opened, there was no point in running a food magazine since all its pages would have to be filled with the gourmet findings on Guy’s menu. Alas, after five years, the Times Square beacon that welcomed tourists from Muncie with open arms will serve its last mozzarella stick on New Year’s Eve. Continue reading