Archives: December 2017

Open Post: Hosted By The Groomsman Who Passed Out And Busted His Mug

December 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Weddings can be a bore from hell. Especially if it’s one of those with a preacher-type who takes it upon himself to give an impromptu class on The Good Book during the ceremony. That (and breakfast) is what groomsman Noah Nicholls is blaming for his passing out and face-planting during his pal’s wedding (via Mashable and BoingBoing). “Bitch went down” doesn’t cover how hard this guy hit the floor.

This wasn’t one of those “shake it off” type drops. On Reddit, Noah revealed that he broke his nose, dislodged his front teeth, and “messed up my jaw pretty bad.” But on the bright side, he’s laughing about it on Reddit now…

He blamed his collapse on “a terrible breakfast and next to no sleep and locked his knees” as well as the pastor lying that “he was going to give a ‘quick’ 20-minute sermon that became 40+ minutes.” Oh, c’mon! You can be truthful, Noah! Howabout “I was still drunk AF from the night before?” Even a bad Denver omelette can’t do THAT to a guy.

Pic: YouTube

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Vin Diesel Is The Highest Grossing Actor Of 2017

December 30, 2017 / Posted by:

The Rock must be especially pissed over this. He hates that candy-ass! Fast and Furious franchise star (and ham & cheese sculpture muse) Vin Diesel is 2017’s top grossing actor. The global take on his movies was $1.6 BILLION. 2017 must have been as awful a year as believed, because people worldwide obviously needed the distractions. We’re not talking Streep or Day-Lewis here. His best role is Groot, and Groot’s got one line and he’s CGI. Continue reading

This Allegedly Wasn’t Lanie Kazan’s First Time At The Shoplifting Rodeo

December 30, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s super-embarrassing to be caught shop-lifting. Not that I’d know. Store security comes and they march you away and you protest loudly that you forgot you had put the item in your purse! And you have to sit in the little room with the monitors while some functional alcoholic named Dan pretends he’s running Guantanamo Not that I’d know! Seriously, I’d rather go down for murder. My Big Fat Greek Wedding’s Lanie Kazan made like Joyce from Stranger Things when she was busted with $180 worth of groceries for which she didn’t pay for on Christmas Eve. TMZ sez that this isn’t the first time that San Fernando Valley supermarket Gelson’s has had to snatch unpaid groceries out of Lanie’s cart. Continue reading

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Dr. Phil Denies Supplying His Guests With Drugs And Booze

December 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Repugnant exploiter Dr.(?) Phil McGraw just wants y’all to know that he’s not providing alcohol and drugs to addicts that he brings on his show to yell at in order to make them even messier. He’s seriously trying to deny that he’s NOT what would happen if Satan fucked Montgomery Burns’ even more hair-deprived cousin from Oklahoma and had a baby.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Chef Boyardee Sharks!

The high class society dandy that is Sir-Chomps-A-Lot will always be the best the best thing that Chef Boyardee has ever created, but there’s others who deserve a little time in the shine. Over the years, Chef Boyardee has sharted out pasta shaped like all sorts of crap (see: dinosaurs, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Smurfs, zoo animals, etc…) and yes, I checked to see if they ever made dick and ball-shaped pasta in lfredo sauce. They haven’t. The James Beard Foundation people should really takes away Chef Boyardee’s award (they’ve won one, right?) for that one.

In the early-90s, my favorite Top Chef judge who never was made shark-shaped pasta that came in a “cheese-flavored sauce” and could be bought with or without “meatballs” (aka softened Styrofoam marinated in beef flavors).

And the commercial showed little brats hunting for three shark shapes, and when they catch all three and eat them, they cheer. Sick bastards!

I would say that JAWS probably plotted to get revenge on those kids for gleefully eating shark shapes, but they got theirs after digesting that mess. You know the JAWS theme song played as they ran to the toilet.

Pic: YouTube

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Birthday Sluts

December 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Tracey Ullman (58)
Mikey Reid (25)
Ryan Sheckler (28)
Ellie Goulding (31)
Caity Lotz (31)
Andra Day (33)
LeBron James (33)
Kevin Systrom (34)
Kristin Kreuk (35)
Eliza Dushku (37)
Tyrese Gibson (39)
Laila Ali (40)
Lucy Punch (40)
Tiger Woods (42)
Jason Behr (44)
Daniel Sunjata (46)
Dave England (48)
Jay Kay (48)
Bennett Miller (51)
Heidi Fleiss (52)
Sean Hannity (56)
Matt Lauer (60)
Sheryl Lee Ralph (61)
Meredith Vieira (64)
Jeff Lynne (70)
Patti Smith (71)
Michael Nesmith (75)
Fred Ward (75)
James Burrows (77)
Sandy Koufax (82)
Russ Tamblyn (83)
Joseph Bologna (82)

Pic: HBO

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