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December 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Chef Boyardee Sharks!

The high class society dandy that is Sir-Chomps-A-Lot will always be the best the best thing that Chef Boyardee has ever created, but there’s others who deserve a little time in the shine. Over the years, Chef Boyardee has sharted out pasta shaped like all sorts of crap (see: dinosaurs, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Smurfs, zoo animals, etc…) and yes, I checked to see if they ever made dick and ball-shaped pasta in lfredo sauce. They haven’t. The James Beard Foundation people should really takes away Chef Boyardee’s award (they’ve won one, right?) for that one.

In the early-90s, my favorite Top Chef judge who never was made shark-shaped pasta that came in a “cheese-flavored sauce” and could be bought with or without “meatballs” (aka softened Styrofoam marinated in beef flavors).

And the commercial showed little brats hunting for three shark shapes, and when they catch all three and eat them, they cheer. Sick bastards!

I would say that JAWS probably plotted to get revenge on those kids for gleefully eating shark shapes, but they got theirs after digesting that mess. You know the JAWS theme song played as they ran to the toilet.

Pic: YouTube

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