Don’t You Just Hate It When Your Date Destroys Your Warhols In A Rage? 

December 29, 2017 / Posted by:

Bringing a piece back to your place after a first date is never a good idea. One, you don’t really know them. Two, they could be one of those freaks who are into cuddling after fucking, and it’s always awkward to kick a one-night-stand out of your house. You should only hook up with a first date in your car or the bar bathroom. That’s what smart people do! But some high-profile millionaire lawyer in Houston broke my first date rule by bringing his piece back to his mansion, and it ended with him having to call his insurance company after some of his precious art was damaged and with her getting a mug shot worthy of the Faces of Meth Hall Of Fame.

CBS News says that 49-year-old trial lawyer Anthony “Tony” Buzbee, who is a mess himself, told investigators that on December 23rd, he was on a first date with Cindy Lou Who’s 29-year-old messy older sister Lindy Lou Layman (THESE NAMES!) when she got really drunk and wreaked havoc on his art collection at his $14 million mansion in the River Oaks neighborhood of Houston. To answer the question that’s in your head, I too am not sure if “first date” and “drunk” is just lawyer talk for “out call with an escort” and “high on the bad shit.”

Tony Buzbee’s version of the story is that when he brought Lindy Lou back to his house, she was wasted on the sweet nectar, so he called an Uber for her. Lindy Lou didn’t want to leave and hid in his house. When Tony finally found Lindy Lou, he ordered her a second Uber to take her back to Whoville. Lindy Lou didn’t like that and allegedly busted into an art-destroying tornado of terror. Tony claims that Lindy Lou pulled a Renoir and a Monet off the walls, threw red wine at several paintings, including two $500,000 Warhols, and shattered a couple of $20,000 statues by throwing them. Oh, Lindy Lou, if you didn’t like the art, you could’ve just said so!

Lindy Lou reportedly caused $300,000 worth of damage to Tony’s art. She was arrested on my favorite charge, criminal mischief, and was later released on $30,000 bond. During her court hearing, Lindy Lou said she’s from Dallas and has worked as a court reporter for nine years.

Tony is apparently hot shit in the Houston legal world, or something. He represented Texas governor Rick Perry in an abuse-of-power case. Tony also held a Trump fundraiser at his mansion in June 2016 and donated $250,000 to Trump’s campaign. Tony later claimed he washed his hands of Trump after the pussy grabbin’ tape came out. But I guess he forgave Trump, because he reportedly donated $500,000 to Trump’s inauguration committee.

Everyone reported that Tony told cops he was on a first date with Lindy Lou and the judge at her hearing also said they were on a first date, but he told Law.com that there was a party at his house and Lindy Lou came over with other people. He had never met her before. Tony and his wife of 26 years, Zoe Buzbee, supposedly got a divorce earlier this year.

In Lindy Lou Who’s defense, at least she was drunk in someone’s house instead of drunk behind the wheel of a car, like Tony was last year when he got busted for DWI.

If Andy Warhol was still alive, I’d say that Lindy Lou Who is probably a member of his factory and this was all just an elaborate performance art piece orchestrated by him. Because this story is pure Warhol…. with a large dollop of John Waters.

Pic: Houston Police Department

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