This may be the saddest Christmas story I’ve ever heard. There’s a newer and meaner Grinch in the land and it’s the York County Sheriff’s Department in Nebraska! It’s their fault that there’s people in Vermont and Boston who spent their Christmas sadly clutching their empty bongs.
USA Today says that a Stoner Santa Claus named Patrick Jiron and a Stoner Mrs. Claus named Barbara Jiron were driving from Clearlake Oaks, CA to the East Coast when they were stopped by cops in York, Nebraska on December 19. They were pulled over on Interstate 80 after a cop noticed that their Toyota Tacoma went over the center line without signaling. When the cops strolled up to the truck to question the driver, it felt like Snoop Dogg farted in their face. A gust of weed smoke hit them. They brought in the county drug dog, Dundee, and he sniffed out 60 pounds of weed in the back of the truck. The weed was in boxes. All that weed supposedly has a street value of $300,000.
83-year-old Patrick and 70-year-old Barbara were arrested for possession with the intent to deliver and for not having a drug tax stamp. Barbara was cited but not jailed due to a medical issue. Patrick was later released on bond.
Patrick and Barbara told deputies that they’re not in the business of selling the good shit. They were driving all that tons of fucking fun to the East Coast to give as presents to their relatives and friends in Vermont and Boston. They said that they didn’t know it’s illegal to transport marijuana in Nebraska.
A couple days after this sad story made the rounds, the media found out that Patrick and Barbara’s son is a deputy prosecutor in Chittenden County, VT. But according to their son Justin Jiron, he wasn’t one of the relatives whose Christmas was ruined by the weed-snatching police Grinches of Nebraska. So he says…. The Chittenden County State’s Attorney released this statement:
“Justin is in no way connected to this allegation other than by relation. Justin is and has been a dedicated public servant for over 15 years, and I assure you he is as surprised and upset about these allegations as anyone.”
And I assure you that nobody is as upset as the people who were waiting for Stoner Santa Claus to slip an obese joint in their stocking.
Yes, Patrick and Barbara could be blowing weed smoke up the police’s ass by claiming that they were giving $300,000 worth of weed as presents, but I’m still going to make it one of my missions in life to befriend them, because I really want to end up on their Christmas gift list next year. FREE STONER SANTA!
Pic: York County Sheriff’s Department