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December 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Foil Christmas decorations!

The trick who says, “You can find ANYTHING on the internet,” has obviously never searched for 100% authentic pictures of a fully naked Idris Elba, and has also never searched for the history of foil Christmas decorations. I couldn’t find much about foil Christmas decorations. Since I was a kid in the 1980s and our house was covered with the most opulent Christmas decorations (read: foil Christmas decorations) found at the emporium of pure decadence  (read: Pic ‘N Save, which was basically Big Lots), I thought these foil Christmas decorations were a magnificent creature of the 1980s. But they were definitely around in the 1960s and possibly before then. A drop of surprise would not fill my body if I found out that these gorgeous things decorated Baby Jesus’ manger. You know The Three Queens brought foil decorations with them. Fuck that Star of Bethlehem. They wanted their new lord and savior to really look at up something sparkly and spectacular.

In my house, we had both the Christmas tree foil garland above and these lavish baubles below. It wasn’t truly the holiday season until a Christmas tree foil garland fell on our heads at the dinner table because I didn’t securely tape it to the popcorn ceiling. It also wasn’t truly the holiday season until you ripped these balls of foil perfection apart while finger banging them.

80schristmasdecorations

Foil decorations had the lifespan of a mayfly in my house, and eventually they became so tattered and beat down that my mom threw them away. But I do miss the glamour and sparkle they brought to the house. I’d like to think that in a landfill somewhere, the rats and birds are having a very glamorous Christmas while opening their presents of trash under our old foil decorations.

Pics: Etsy, RIF

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