Open Post: Hosted By A Drunken Abominable Snowman Getting Arrested For DUI By Officer Santa Claus 

December 22, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s something wrong with that picture. Santa Claus is the one who should be getting his ass busted for permanent public intoxication (you too would be always drunk if you had to deal with that many kids), DUI (drivingasleigh under the influence), breaking and entering, and animal cruelty for overworking those poor reindeers. But the St. Helens Police Department in St. Helens, Oregon see it differently.

HuffPo says that the St.Helens Police Department came up with a creative way to raise awareness of the rise in drunk driving during the holidays. Over the past 5 years, nearly 4,000 people have died in drunk driving crashes in the month of December. So they came up with a fake DUI arrest starring the Abominable Snowman and co-starring Officer Santa Claus. They went all out with a press release, reenactment and a report by InsideEdition.com.

St. Helens Police Chief Terry Moss, who should really get an Emmy for his performance, said that on Monday, officers got a call about a car acting a mess on the streets. They pulled over the car and found Abominable T. Snowman behind the wheel. After blowing a 0.16, twice the legal limit, on a Breathalyzer, he was arrested and taken down to the station. Police Chief Moss says that he was plastered on peppermint schnapps.

It’s always sad to see another star from the past falling hard from grace. And as an almost daily watcher of Inside Edition (I love serious journalism!), I can tell you without sarcasm that this is the most newsworthy and journalistically correct report they’ve ever done.

And if Abominable T. Snowman gets prison time, trick ain’t going to make it out alive. Because the cellmates are going to mistake him for a giant 8-ball, chop him up and sell him for ramen noodles.

Pic: St. Helens Police Department/YouTube

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