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December 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Spelacchio, Rome’s giant Charlie Brown Christmas tree!

I’ve had the same fake white Christmas tree from Target for years. A year after I bought it, it started yellowing, and now it looks like it spent time with Donald Trump and a couple of Russian hookers in a Moscow hotel room. So I thought I had the saddest looking tree in the land, but Rome beat my ass with their scraggly, mangy Christmas tree.

The Christmas tree, which has been nicknamed “Spelacchio” (bald or mangy), has been bringing shame upon the citizens of Rome ever since it was transported from the Italian Alps earlier this month. Spelacchio is ruining people’s Christmas from its home at Piazza Venezia in Rome. The Guardian says that the people of Rome are dragging poor Spelacchio by saying that it looks like a toilet brush, is a disgrace and is a perfect visual metaphor for the current state of the capital. One consumer rights group is calling for the city to put Romans out of their misery by turning Spelacchio into firewood.

The people who provided the city of Rome with the tree claim that it looked healthy and happy when it left them. So blame is being thrown upon the company that was paid $57,000 to bring the tree to Rome. Apparently, the company didn’t cover Spelacchio right so bitch lost most of its needles during the journey to Rome and became the tree version of the “me at the beginning of 2017 vs me at the end of 2017meme. Officials who investigated the state of the tree say that it’s undergone too much stress, is rootless and beyond saving. So basically, Spelacchio is me later today after going to the mall to do my Christmas shopping for the first time.

Spelacchio has really shown the haters, though. It has become overnight worldwide famous, it has its own Twitter account and one writer wrote a think piece from its perspective. So fuck the Spelacchio haters! And when Kunty Karl Lagerfeld lays his sunglasses-covered eyes on that tall, skinny, miserable-looking thing, he’s going to fall in love and make it the face of the next Chanel campaign.

Pic: CBS via YouTube

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