The vaginas are coming! The vaginas are coming! The trailer for the long awaited (ok, sustained indifferenced) Ocean’s 8 is here and it’s got more vaginas than a Amazonian gynecology conference! As expected, it stars Sandra Bullock as the titular Ocean (1) and includes Cate Blanchett as some kind of badass (2), Mindy Kaling as some kind of jeweler (3), Rihanna as some kind of hacker (4), Helena Bonham Carter as Helena Bonham Carter (5), Sarah Paulson as a suburban mom with a criminal past (6), Awkwafina as a street grifter (don’t ask me I have no idea who she is either, 7) and that’s only 7 so what the fuck? Yes, Anne Hathaway is in it but she appears to be the target so I’m confused.
I’m also slightly resentful that this is requiring me to cast my memory back to the previous Ocean’s movies to figure out who Sandy B is supposed to be related to and how and I’m too lazy to look it up. I looked it up, it’s Danny Ocean.
Here’s the trailer.
Why they got to do the ladies like that? I mean, not only did they skimp on the Ocean’s, they could have put a little bit of money into making those fake jewels because they look like absolute garbage. My friends and I once made a remake of the movie Congo on a camcorder and used bent paper clips wrapped in scotch tape for our prop diamonds and they looked more convincing these. All the same, I’m sure it will make a boatload of money because it turns out to be the perfect time for an all female cast and Cate Blanchett is hot like fire right now coming off of Thor.
Oh, wait! Is James Corden #8? If so, lame.