Sarah Huckabee Sanders Attempted To Rid Herself Of #Piegate With Pies

December 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Sure, President You-Know-Who is in the crosshairs of one giant bowl of shit borscht with that Russian ESCANDOLO. But the real scandal in the Trump White House has been over whether or not Sarah Huckabee Sanders can make anything other than reservations. Over Thanksgiving, Sarah sent out a tweet talking about how she got back in the kitchen to bake a chocolate pecan pie for her family. A bunch of people must have figured Sarah is good for one thing only (propaganda), because Twitter pulled a collective “Sure, Jan” at the thought of Sarah actually being able to bake something like that.

The New York Post reports Sarah attempted to clap back at her haters (but especially American Urban Radio Network reporter April Ryan) by showing up to the annual White House press potluck on Thursday with four chocolate-pecan pies that she baked all by herself (or at least she carefully took them out of the Costco box they came in).

Unlike her bitch-ass boss who won’t prove naysayers wrong by, I dunno, coughing up tax returns, Sarah put on her Betty Crocker apron and got to hustling to make a few pies for all those hissing demons in the FAKE NEWS! And she documented the whole thing on Twitter the night before:

Girl, always with bourbon. You work for Donald Trump, so I hope you polished over whatever was left in the bottle after you put some in the pie mix.

The best part is April still wasn’t entirely convinced since she didn’t see any photos of Sarah (or anyone, for that matter) with those pies.

The day arrived, and it came time to see if there was some foul baking or if Sarah actually did know her way around a kitchen.

April seemed convinced! She declared, “Piegate is over!” She even said it was a “nice” pie, and that she believed Sarah had actually made it. But she would not be tasting it:

“I believe that this is our reset, not just for me but for all of us. It doesn’t mean that I need to eat the pie.”

Sarah spent all night barking orders at Omarosa to make four pies, or else she would snitch that the Secret Service really did walk her ass out of the White House. And still, April would not even take a polite little nibble! Sarah even offered to take a bite first, but April refused. You might be asking yourself why April couldn’t be a good sport about it. Personally, I do not blame April. The last time I remember chocolate and pastry being used as a metaphorical olive branch was in The Help, and we all know about the secret ingredient in that pie.

Pic: Twitter

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