Because My Little Pony’s gloriously gay raver glamour dazzled the eyes of children in the 1980s and became a giant hit, Hasbro hoped that gay lighting would strike twice when they released FairyTails. But like many spin-offs, it flopped and ate shit like a high-on-E raver trying to dance in 8″ platform boots on top of a giant wobbly speaker. FairyTails were the bird version of My Little Pony and they fluttered into stores in 1986, and lasted a whopping one year before Hasbro took them off of shelves and buried them in the cemetery of rejected toy lines.
FairyTails had humongous coked-up anime eyes, fat dickhead-like heads, tiny feet to perch with, no mouths and luscious manes and tails of Manic Panic heaven. If only they came back from the dead and also grew mouths. Then they could give a detailed YouTube tutorial on how to achieve a pastel rainbow ponytail like theirs.
MyLittleWiki says that Hasbro originally made twelve bird toys and they had names like Tickle Tails, Tippy Tails, Tulip Tails, Taffeta Tails, Tu Tu Tails, Twilight Tails and Twinkle Tails. Twinkle Tails is so my next Grindr username. And the FairyTails theme song…
Back then, the FairyTails theme song sounded like an ethereal G-rated diddy to me, but now it sounds really dirty.
“Once upon a rainbow tree, a fairy gave each lovely bird happy ending fantasy…” John Travolta is so going to go looking for a rainbow tree so that a fairy can give him a happy ending fantasy.