Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 11, 2017 / Posted by:

The fat squirrel thief of Maplewood, New Jersey!

Every year, a citizen of Maplewood named Michele Boudreaux graciously puts out a luxurious spread of water, La Croix, lip chap, chocolates, hand warmers and snacks for the people delivering all of the stuff her family orders during the holiday season. Now if I put a spread like that in front of my door, it’d be stolen in less than a day. (PLOT TWIST: It’d be stolen by me, because I have no willpower when it comes to chocolates and snacks.) But Michele writes on her blog that they’ve never had a problem with thieves or drivers taking too much. This year was a different story thanks to a fat thief!

Michele put out her sweet spread for delivery drivers last Monday, and all of the Ghirardelli chocolate squares were gone within hours. The robber obviously has fine tastes, because they only snatched the Ghirardelli chocolate and didn’t really touch the Reese’s or Snickers. Michele and her husband decided to set up a surveillance camera to catch the evil ass bandit. They set up the camera, put out their trap (the Ghirardelli chocolate squares) and went out to walk the dog. When they came back, they found the fancy ass robber committing a bold act by robbing them in broad daylight. It was a fat squirrel, who obviously keeps his big, beautiful body big and beautiful by eating stolen chocolate. Michele fat-shamed the thief while writing:

That’s when we spot the FATTEST squirrel. I mean, this squirrel is so obese—a jolly ol’ chap—he must be prepping for a decade of winters. Even my rat terrier dog took one look and said, “Nope.”

So the fat squirrel is standing on our step stool, furiously digging through our wooden tray. He’s digging and digging and digging and then he TAKES OFF toward our backyard carrying whatever he possibly can.

Michele’s husband went after Lindsay Lohan’s fat squirrel cousin, but the thief was able to make a clean getaway. Michele later found unwrapped Ghirardelli squares on her driveway and in her yard. I’m not using “allegedly“in this post, because Michele got actual proof of the fat squirrel in action.

She says that they’ve outsmarted the fluffy Ghirardelli addict by putting the chocolate in a jar.

Or have they outsmarted that fat squirrel?

Something tells me that he’ll outsmart them by rounding up a few accomplices (other squirrels) and will pay them a Ghirardelli square each to help him carry that jar away. Or better yet, when Michele and her family aren’t home, he’ll probably sell all of that stuff to people walking on the street and use the cash to buy his own Ghirardelli chocolate! That fat thief is already a petty robber, so he may as well add “grifter” to his resume of crimes.

Pic: YouTube/Michele Boudreaux

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