This was me yesterday: What are sports?
This was me three seconds after watching the striptease busted out by a Norwegian footballer: I love Norwegian football!
The Telegraph says that on Sunday, a Norwegian football team called Lillestrøm beat another Norwegian football team called Sarpsborg and won the Norwegian cup. Lillestrøm’s defender Aleksander Melgalvis Andreassen decided to celebrate in a way that is extremely relevant to my interests.
Aleksander stripped down to his Norwegian sausage and huevos before sticking his dick in the Norwegian cup. I thought that the gayest thing I’d see today would be the reflection in the mirror of me putting a Santa’s little helper costume on my dog while singing along to Charo’s Mamacita, Donde este Santa Claus. But that gay moment was topped (and not just because that gay moment is a big ole’ sloppy bottom) by the video of a Norwegian footballer doing a sexy strip dance in front of all of his dude teammates before sticking his dick in the cup they all probably posed with afterward.
The video has been ripped off of YouTube, but you can see it on Bild.de. I don’t want to be responsible for you getting a case of blue balls, so I have to tell you that there’s no VP (visible peen) in the video. Click here to watch it.
The Telegraph says that some prudes didn’t think Aleksander’s stunt was funny and they believe the cup deserves more respect. To which I say, “Steng din dumme munn og la en naken, rotete varm ho være en naken, rotete, varm ho!” Google Translate tells me that’s Norwegian for: “Shut your stupid mouth and let a naked messy hot ho be a naked messy hot ho!”
But seriously, it’s all fun and bareback trophy fucking until nine months later when that trophy is hitting Aleksander up for child support money after birthing out their kid. Athletes are such wrecks that it was only a matter of time before one of their trophy wives was an actual trophy.