Hot Slut Of The Day!
Catherine Zeta-Jones’ masterful disguise of a wig from Lifetime’s Cocaine Godmother trailer!
Lifetime butt burped out the latest trailer for their newest trash classic, which the Emmy voters will definitely ignore out of jealousy because they all wish they could make riveting art like this. Cocaine Godmother (not to be confused with the nickname that Dina Lohan’s godchildren call her) is the basic cable biopic about ruthless bisexual Colombian drug lord Griselda Blanco, who was a major figure in the Miami coke wars of the 1980s. CZJ was supposed to play Griseldo Blanco in a big-screen biopic, but that never happened (Catalina Sandino Moreno has apparently replaced her). It must’ve been CZJ’s destiny to play Griselda Blanco (which makes so much sense since she’s from the Latin American country known as Wales and is about as Latina as a stack of Welsh cakes). Because CZJ got to play Griselda, who was shot to death in 2012, in a dried-up whitewashed Lifetime coke booger. Dreadful IS Catherine Zeta-Jones going from playing a drug queenpin in an Oscar-winning Soderbergh movie to playing a drug queenpin in a Lifetime movie.
Lifetime spared zero expensive with Cocaine Godmother (read: you could maybe buy a 1 ounce baggie of kitty litter-laced coke with what Lifetime spent on this). The movie takes place in Colombia and Miami, but they shot in the exotic locale of Vancouver. They also spent good money on an accent coach for CZJ, because when I heard her “Count Chocula on ludes” accent, I immediately said, “That’s a truly authentic Colombian accent!”
The trailer for Cocaine Godmother can be summed up with the Party City-bought Laurie from That 70s Show wig that CZJ wears to murder someone. Like that wig, the trailer makes that Lifetime movie look cheap, inauthentic and a campy wreck. In other words, it’s classic Lifetime!
Pic: YouTube