Add “a headless zombie praying mantis” to the list of tricks that are getting more ass than me.
Everybody knows that sometimes a lady praying mantis gets into some horrific 8mm shit by killing and eating their male fuck partner during sex. But both Gizmodo and highly-esteemed scientific journal The Daily Mail have posted a video of a dude praying mantis still giving his lady that praying mantis dick after she bit his head off. And I’m sharing the video with you, because we’re friends and I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t show you a video of a lady praying mantis doing sex to a dead body. Although, this video isn’t the worst thing I saw yesterday. That award goes to the latest episode of the Dynasty reboot.
Deep Look, a science series from PBS, says that lady praying mantises are much bigger and stronger than the dude ones, and they don’t partake in cannibalism because they’re the Jeffrey Dahmer of insects. They do it, because being knocked up with so many eggs takes a lot out of them, and eating another praying mantis gives them strength. The ladies are also able to produce twice the amount of eggs if they eat the dude. Also, praying mantises rarely make it through the winter, so the dudes don’t have much to lose. Some of them might figure that they’re going to go to Jesus soon anyway, so they may as well try to bust a nut even if it means getting eaten (and not in a sexy way). And as shown in the video below, the dude can sometimes keep boning even if he’s got no head. This brings new meaning to the phrase “fuck your brains out.”
At around the 3:00 mark, a lady praying mantis bites off the dude praying mantis’ head and he keeps doing her. The Deep Look narrator says that because of the nerves in his stomach, he can still get the job done. The next time a trick can’t get it up, because he’s drunk or whatever, show him this video. A dude praying mantis can still do it even without a head on, so there’s no excuse!
And I bet that dude praying mantis wishes that the lady would finish their sex-making session by giving him head. No need to reach for the GONG, I’m exiting stage left on my own.