Back in 2014, Kim Kardashian used dat greased up ass as a tray for her champagne when she “broke the internet” on the cover of Paper Magazine. Paper, figuring if it broke once, it can break again, kinda did the same thing this month for Nicki Minaj.
Maybe the smell of turkey and Stouffer’s dressing gets everyone boned up, but the November cover of Paper includes a trio of Nickis perfroming a “Minaj À Trois.” Kneeling Nicki seems ready to lick that taco. The recipient of said muff diving is the most innocent of the bunch, which means she has her legs spread and (in my mind) shadily pays homage to Lil’ Kim with some pasties. Standing Nicki looks like a lost cocktail waitress from a Trump hotel who is trying to honk, honk seated Nicki’s right boobie. Paper really outdid themselves this year! Creative Director Drew Elliott writes this of Miss Anaconda booty:
“We have never called an issue Break the Internet since we did it back in 2014 with Kim Kardashian. It takes a certain type of talent, with an awesome fan base and the ability to put trust in PAPER to work our magic. I have always loved all of the looks that Nicki has done (and she has done them all).”
We can choke back that vomit from the words “talent” and Kimmy in the same paragraph, but Drew goes on to say the threesome cover makes sense that Nicki has done so many lewks, it only makes sense that they all come together. He then added that Nicki is so into herself, that it would also only make even more sense that all those looks would go to Muff City with each other if given the chance. No, he didn’t, but we can all read between the lines, Drew!
People likely wondered how Kim felt about a newbie taking her media ho of a cover idea, but Us Weekly says she seemed to approve of the idea. I, however, see those selfie wheels turning in hopes of upstaging. Now we have to sit back and wait and see what Kimmy will do so she can snatch back her Internet breaking sledgehammer. A human centipede of Kims? A Kim orgy? Watersports Kim?! Kim sans three months of filler treatments?! Nah, knowing her, she’ll just do one where she’s actually drinking Fit Tea. Spooky!
Pic: Paper Magazine/Ellen von Unwerth