Eventually, even scary monsters get old, start losing their teeth and never remember where they left their reading glasses (they’re on top of your head, you old gargoyle!). Joe Jackson is no exception. At 89 the former alleged family pimp slapper comes off as a harmless, doddering old grandpappy. And somebody has taught the old man to tweet! Joe recently posted a video message for his grandson Blanket and as TMZ points out, Joe may have had himself a little “senior moment” and gotten Blanket confused with his other grandson Prince Michael, who recently had a motorcycle accident.
Here’s Joe’s video message to Blanket. Maybe:
— Joseph Jackson (@Joe5Jackson) November 13, 2017
Somebody is either yawning loudly or stroking out in the background at about the 33 second markand who can blame them. Watching this old ghoul pick his way through the trail of breadcrumbs in his mind leading to a coherent sentence is exhausting. Although, “Hello Blanket, this is Joe Jackson” is a provocative sentence, like everything else in Joe’s life, he can thank Michael for that. I hope Blanket will benefit from the wisdom of his elder and heed the important warning Joe has for him to “be like me, be tough don’t be tough in a good way,” which makes perfect sense if your brain is lacking oxygen from being squeezed into a too tight fedora for decades.
Christmas morning is going be a real mess at the Jackson’s this year. Joe will probably get all his gift tags mixed up. All the grandkids are going to wake up Christmas morning to matching P.J.s in all the wrong sizes. Blanket’s going to get Paris’ novelty socks, Paris is going to get Prince’s Applebee’s gift card and Prince is going to end up with Blanket’s blanket. It’s going to be the worst Jackson Christmas since that time in 1979 when Joe gave all the girls Jean Nate, all the boys black eyes and he got into a fist fight with the tree.