Because of the billions upon billions of stories from people who have been preyed on by powerful trash men, Hollywood as we know it is burning down to the ground. And lurking in the smoke and flames is Hollywood’s future: ANGELYNE!
My headline is a bit misleading (What else is new?), because when I think of an “Angelyne TV series,” I prolapse from butt orgasming over the thought of an Angelyne reality show starring Angelyne. This isn’t a reality show and it’s not going to star Angelyne herself. It’ll be a scripted limited-series starring Emmy Rossum and it’ll be based on The Hollywood Reporter’s riveting tale of Angelyne’s transformation from Polish refugee to the candy-dipped Queen of Los Angeles. Hey, I’ll take an Angelyne TV series anyway it comes.
The Hollywood Reporter says that Emmy Rossum will play Angelyne in a limited series. She’s teaming up with Mr. Robot creator (and her husband) Sam Esmail. Emmy and Sam bought the rights to THR writer Gary Baum’s investigative profile of the Los Angeles billboard goddess Angelyne (born name: Renee Goldberg). Gary discovered that Angelyne was born in Poland in 1950 to two Holocaust survivors and her family later moved to Los Angeles, where she eventually reinvented herself as a peroxide bombshell who rules the streets of L.A. in her pink Corvette.
Emmy said this about bringing Angelyne’s story to the small screen:
“I have always been fascinated by the enigma that is Angelyne. At a young age, I can vividly remember staring up at her on a billboard above me and wondering, ‘Who is that woman?’ Gary Baum’s investigative journalism has finally unearthed the true, complex identity of the infamous woman who has fascinated Los Angeles for over 30 years. From the moment I read Gary’s recent piece, I knew I had to tell this story. It’s a poignant and bizarre tale about the hunger for fame, the sexualization of women and the erasing of past traumas.”
Emmy and Sam will both executive produce alongside Chad Hamilton. They’re currently shopping the project around to networks.
In case you’ve never seen a second of Shameless or Phantom of the Opera, this is what Emmy Rossum looks like:
I hope she’s a pro at wearing 45 pounds of brilliant white hair on her head, 80 pounds of rubber titty meat on her chest, and can hit the gas pedal on a pink Corvette while wearing 6 inch platform heels.
Angelyne doesn’t really want the details of her past out there, so I don’t know if she gave a pink polish-covered thumbs up to this series about her. If she did, then she’ll definitely get a check and an Emmy Award for Best Inspiration For A Limited TV Series. That’s a good thing. If she didn’t, then she’ll definitely sue Emmy and Sam, and we’ll get to see the spectacular sight of her working a hot pink mini-skirt business suit and court-going stilettos in court. That’s a good thing too.