It’s appropriate Blake Shelton’s initials are BS, because that’s what this news is. Unless you’re a Mountain Dew-chuggin’ twing-twang fan of the jolly jean-wearing giant, in which case BS stands for britches soaked. According to Gossip Cop, People will be name Gwen Stefani’s boyfriend as 2017’s Sexiest Man Alive.
Gossip Cop says they’ve got it on good authority (aka Blake Shelton’s publicist got their phone number) that he will take the title from last year’s Sexiest Man Alive The Rock. People will announce their Sexiest Man tomorrow before the issue is released Wednesday. I’m sure this honor has nothing to do with the fact that Blake released his eleventh album, Texoma Shore, last week. Or the fact that he’s right in the middle of the 13th season of The Voice. It’s just because he’s the sexiest! An honor that I’m sure is calculated by the time it takes a horny 55 year old to mention how hunky his buns look in tight jeans.
2017 feels like a year-long prank pulled by a very bored Satan, so we shouldn’t be surprised that one of Trump’s possibly closeted fanboys would be named People’s Sexiest Man Alive. If he’s not too busy tweeting about how fat his enemies are on Wednesday, maybe Trump will congratulate Blake Shelton on his very sexy award. And the benefit to the rest of us is the knowledge that such a thing that will no doubt make uptight homophobe Mike Pence extremely uncomfortable around his boss for at least a week.