Open Post: Hosted By Naomi Campbell Slathered In Several Layers Of WTF

November 3, 2017 / Posted by:

This is the kind of crazy shit that happens when you’re Naomi Campbell. A stylist looks at you and says, “Now, your impeccable flawless highness – that’s what you want me to call you right? – I’m not sure if even you can pull off this Jean Paul Gaultier outfit that looks like Celine Dion’s backwards Oscar tuxedo after it got really drunk while going to a funeral, stumbled into the street and got ran over by a semi.” You, being Naomi Campbell, grab that outfit from your stylist so hard that their arm comes off. And as they annoyingly cry about not having an arm anymore, you spit at their bloody stump for daring to say that you can’t pull off absolutely anything! You’re Naomi Fucking Campbell!

At WSJ Magazine’s 2017 Innovator Awards in NYC on Wednesday night, Naomi Campbell showed up looking like all of her hundreds of enemies got together and jumped her ass, ripping off her pant leg and turning her outfit around. But Naomi destroyed them all and worked her tattered battle outfit on the carpet.

Naomi’s homage to Jane Child nose ring is supposed to be a “modern” take on Indian wedding jewelry, I guess, but that shit looks nothing like Indian wedding jewelry. It looks like a scorpion is perched on her ear and is using its long tail to snatch a purple coke booger from her nose. It’s purple because she was snorting purple coke, duh.


But it takes a real fearless and confident bitch to wear a nose chain to an event where her enemies will be (Naomi has enemies everywhere!). They just gotta pull real quick, and suddenly she’s got two flaps for a left nostril. How dreadful. Naomi isn’t worried at all, though. Naomi knows that if a stupid moron came at her nose chain, she’d throw them a death glare so powerful that they’d punish themselves by breaking their own finger bones for trying to yank her chain.


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