Brett Ratner has been exposed as “Alleged Hollywood Perv Mogul #1,403,” and it’s already affecting his career. Brett has been accused by six women (including actresses Olivia Munn and Natasha Henstridge) of sexual harassment and/or assault. In the newly begun “Age of Eff This Shit, Expose These Sleazy Bastards,” any hint of non-consensual foolery renders your future career prospects nil. Method-actor extraordinaire Jared Leto’s no fool (despite whatever that Joker portrayal was), which is why Deadline reports that he’s claiming that he never actually signed on to the planned Ratner-directed Hugh Hefner bio-pic. Jared is making like Brett’s supposed former squeeze Mariah Carey and going with the “I don’t know
that project her.” defense.
“Jared Leto is not and was not attached to a Brett Ratner-directed Hugh Hefner film, nor will he be working with him in the future,” Leto’s rep said this afternoon. “Earlier reports were incorrect and not confirmed by his representatives.”
Jared slowly awakens in “The House That Oscar And 30 Seconds To Mars Built.” Whoever is currently occupying his bed is reading the news on her phone and she’s like “Hey, have you seen this story about that Ratner guy?” And Jared’s like all sleepy and goes “What? Hey, how do you feel about giving wake-up head?” And the groupie is like “Can’t sweetie, I’m taking Tina’s hot yoga class this morning. Weren’t you going to be the Playboy old dude in his movie? I tried out for the Holly part but they said I was ‘too smart’ or something.”
Jared fully awakens and snatches the phone from her. Reads. “FUCK FUCK FUCK, that was going to be my next Oscar!!! Fat, stupid, perv, cocaine-faced bastard! Call my agent! I don’t know him, you hear me? Cut all ties! And where’s that stupid smoking jacket I was method-acting in before we banged last night? BURN IT. BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER!“
Playboy Enterprises has frozen the project, and also announced that they’re (all together now) “deeply troubled” over the situation. Warner Bros has dropped his ass, too, according to Variety.
Top brass at the studio spent the day reviewing the allegations that Ratner had masturbated in front of actresses and forced one actress to perform oral sex on him. Ratner’s attorney has adamantly denied the charges on his behalf.
That was all Brett’s idea, of course. He released this statement:
“In light of the allegations being made, I am choosing to personally step away from all Warner Bros.-related activities. I don’t want to have any possible negative impact to the studio until these personal issues are resolved.”
Brett’s already lost his first-look deal with the studio, as well as his office on their lot. Where in the the hell is he going to allegedly sexually coerce hopeful starlets now? Heartless Hollywood mean people!