Yesterday, Allison covered Today’s bad drag country Halloween showcase, and most of their looks wouldn’t even get last place in a country star look-alike contest held by Birmingham, Alabama’s least popular country music station in the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel. Sadly, I have to include Kathie Lee Gifford in the pile of boring costumes worn by Today tricks. KLG dressed as country Miley Cyrus, but she basically just wore a Salvation Army-bought Canadian tuxedo with plastic flowers taped to it. She looked like the bukkake aftermath of a Dancing Flowers orgy. I take that back, the bukkake aftermath of a Dancing Flowers orgy would look more exciting than KLG dressed as country Miley Cyrus. But KLG redeemed herself later!
Because I am a middle-aged stay-at-home midwestern mom named Dianne Jeanne (my friends call me D.J.), I watch Today every single day and I watched it yesterday. So I can’t believe that I missed Kathie Lee Gifford dripping with raw emotion while recreating Miley Cyrus’ video for Wrecking Ball. The brilliance of it all must’ve caused me to black out and forget about it. But thankfully it lives on!
The other week, KLG lifted my soul to the heavens when she cooed out a holy song about finding her husband dead, and she took me even higher than the heavens with her take on Wrecking Ball. KLG plopped a power lesbian wig onto her head and slipped into a nude suit to show amateur ass Miley Cyrus how a superstar really emotes drama, pain and loss while swinging on one-half of a giant black nutsack. The good thing about KLG’s Wrecking Ball video is that Terry Richardson didn’t direct it, so you don’t have to think about him jacking off onto that sledgehammer between takes.
Prepare to see real emotion at work. I’m guessing that this is also what it looks like when Suze Orman eats an edible.
Miley Cyrus once said that she regrets Wrecking Ball and that her worst nightmare is that the video will play at her funeral. Well, we should grant Miley’s wish and rid the earth of her Wrecking Ball video, because KLG has given us the only Wrecking Ball video we need and want. And it should be played at Miley’s funeral, which is probably this weekend since I’m sure she dropped into a casket after watching KLG do it better than her.