Back in August, I wrote about the mystic beauty of Destin, Florida. Some have the Hamptons, some have Palm Springs, but those of us who grew up in the South…we had big city dreams, a taxidermied pet or three, and the Redneck Riviera. Now it looks like MTV is ready to shine a light on this cathedral of crawfish stands, totally-illegal-but-fucking-awesome-BBQ stands in the Walmart parking lot, and nightly brawls down at the waterfront saloon.
Deadline reports that MTV is partnering up with the same creator and production team that is responsible for Jersey Shore to go south. Waaaaay south.
Floribama Shore will take place in Panama City Beach, Florida, and follow eight Southern kids hoping to be the belle and beau versions of Snooki, JWoww, and The Situation. But producers tried to put a little sugary sweet tea on how they would describe the cast:
“[Each cast member] is armed with incredible life experiences and standing at a crossroads, whether it’s ending a relationship, tasting independence for the first time, or trying to escape the past. This coming of age story captures the very real thrill and angst of being young and trying to figure out the future with a group of people you’ll come to call family.”
“Trying to escape the past” is just a nice way of saying “Most of them want to get so fucking lit to forget the ugly asshole who boned them last night.” The new cast comes from all over the South, and a Radar story from earlier this year said all the cast members are big fans of Donald Trump – except one woman. HOOOOO BOY, grab the gin, and let’s just all wait around for this barrel of Southern swamp creatures to lose their shit. And silly me just thought they would sit around and recite passages from Gone With The Wind.
The Radar story (plus a few local ones) point out how the cast has been going to businesses all over the Florida Panhandle, which could include the Flora-bama, a bar/nightclub straddling the Florida/Alabama state line. What makes the Flora-bama unique is that even though it’s a rowdy spot at night with bras hanging over the ceiling and gin-addled “gentlemen” hanging over the railings (puking, duh), it also hosts church services on Sunday morning. What a great way for MTV to keep insurance costs low on this new cast by having weekly mandated holy conflict resolutions! Sammi and Ronnie would have only broken up 20 times instead of the estimated 59,304,587 if only producers had sent them to Sunday school each week!