And this post is going to be extraordinarily complimentary of witches because I don’t want piles, my car to explode, or Trump winning another election. A beautiful obviously misunderstood real-life witch supposedly placed a real-life curse on Practical Magic, the movie where Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock played witch sisters who liked margaritas. The book was good but the movie was incomprehensible to critics and considered a flop despite a healthy showing at the box office. Since then, it’s become sort of a cult classic. Practical Magic director Griffin Dunne did an interview with Vulture, where he explained that this movie got savaged by the critics because of a witch he hired as a consultant. That poor witch! Getting blamed for Griffin’s ineptitude! Leave witches alone
OR THEY WILL CURSE YOU AND YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE WILL DIE!
Griffin says that his experience with the witch began to sour when the production offered to fly her to L.A. to watch Nicole and Sandra rehearse. The offer to put her up in a nice hotel sent the witch into a completely justified and not at all paranoid-scary fit.
I had my producer make her a reservation at a nice hotel, and call her, and the witch goes, “You’re not going to buy me off with a hotel room. I want a percentage of the movie. I’m going to have my own Practical Magic cookbook.” She was paid quite well, and she says, “I want an additional $250,000 dollars.” The producer told her that’s just not possible. And she goes crazy and scares the shit out of the producer.
The producer came away from the phone call terrified and explained the situation to Griffin. Griffin then discovered that the pissed-off witch had left him a voicemail. A voicemail in which she spoke in tongues and cursed him for all eternity! (I would have faked my own death and tried to begin anew deep in a jungle somewhere.)
I had no idea quite what happened, so I get back to my office on the Warner Bros. lot and I listen to my voice-mail. [Drops voice to a growl.] “How dare you sic that shrew on me? You think you can buy me off, well let me tell you something? There is a land of curses!” And then she slips into tongues. It was terrifying. I listened to as much as I could and then I hung up. Within minutes, Warner’s been served with papers. She’s suing Warner Bros.
The legal department was apparently so frightened of the voicemail that they wouldn’t listen to all of it. (These are lawyers who represent a prominent movie studio??? Get a grip, lawyers.) No word on whether or not the brave witch got her $250,000 but Griffin does think the curse put “a little stink” on the final product.
Nonetheless, when we’d screen it, people were jumping out of their seats and laughing. Women and girls in particular were all so moved by it, and it did very well at the box office. But despite that, it had a weird reputation for being a failure. So I don’t give the curse any power, but at the same time, I did come to think that somehow a little stink was put on the movie. It took time for that stink to go away.
That might be the stink of your failure, Griffin! Witches are love!
Griffin claims he didn’t believe in the curse, sure, but he did hire a “New Agey” person to perform a sort of exorcism so he wouldn’t suddenly grow another nose. Look, if you spend money on an exorcism – you believe.
This blogger’s obvious fear of witches stems from the fact that he knows a couple. One of them is known for her curses. She’s supposedly into “white magic” but isn’t above paying a visit to the “land of curses.” Her ex-boyfriend found out after he cheated on her and she swears the scabies he then acquired was a result of her curse. That’s not a medically sound diagnosis but who the hell’s going to risk scabies?!?! Be nice to witches!
Pic: Warner Bros