Taylor Swift’s New Album Is (Shockingly) A Burn Book Sing-A-Long

October 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Back in the day (in my head), you could stick a piece of coal up one of the buttholes of Taylor Swift’s exes and watch it turn into a diamond from them clenching so hard with anxiety over what she wrote about them on an upcoming album. An entire Zales line came from John Mayer! This time around, though, the clenching is coming from all the meanie ex-friends who wronged Miss Swift!

Us Weekly reports that Taylor will release Reputation, her sixth album, on November 10, and it will mostly be about her foes like Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Katy Perry, and (because this is TSwift after all) ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris. A source says that she’s “definitely coming for the Grammys” with this one. Another source says she “only” has one song on the album about new boyfriend Joe Alwyn while another said the rest of the tracks are all about dRaMmmAAAaaaA:d

“It will be across multiple songs, somewhat cryptically but also obvious.”

Since we’re on the subject of Taylor’s possible enemies and frenemies, The Blast reports that Karlie Kloss is hosting a talk show on Freeform called Movie Night With Karlie Kloss. The show will entail Karlie inviting over famous friends for “movies, games, baking, and fun.” This so sounds like the sleepover from high school you didn’t want to get invited to when all the cool kids were at a better sleepover for “weed, kegs, and fucking.” Rachel Bilson, Martha Hunt, Jourdan Dunn, Ashley Graham, Kendall Jenner, Serena Williams, and Kaia Gerber will join Karlie for cookies and movies like Dirty Dancing. Even though sources claim all is well with Taylor and Karlie, Taylor is notably off the list of celebs stopping by Karlie’s show.

A source says Taylor declined politely to be on the Freeform show because of scheduling issues. But in my head, this was as middle school of a fight as you can get:

Karlie: Wanna come to my sleepover?

Taylor: No, bitch. You invited that fish-lipped Kardashian-adjacent.

Karlie: Fine, I’m not inviting you to my sleepover. And you won’t get any cookies.

Taylor: Fine, I’m going to write a song about your Midwest cankles. And not even include it in the main album because it wouldn’t even crack the Bottom 200 ‘cuz you irrelevant!!

And scene.

Pic: Wenn.com

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