In April 2018, the fifth in line to the British throne will make their way out of Duchess Kate’s womb royale, and you better not say shit when you watch her stumbling out of that goddamn Lindo Wing door while awkwardly holding a giant old skinny fat gay in Mary Janes, oversized baby bloomers and a lace bonnet. Don’t tell the bobbies that I paid off a Lindo Wing nurse to switch me and “The Michelle” of the royal children (Prince George is obviously The Beyonce). It might be my last chance to call Prince Hot Ginge “uncle” in person!
Last Month, Duchess Kate and Prince William announced the news that made their biggest fan Morrissey scream with joy until he exploded. And today, Kensington Palace tweeted that their third baby will show up sometime in April of next year. Kensington Palace tweeted that news after announcing that Duchess Kate will work hard for that welfare check up until she gives birth, because she and Prince William are scheduled make a royal visit to Norway and Sweden in early 2018.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to confirm they are expecting a baby in April 2018. pic.twitter.com/jOzB1TJMof
— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) October 17, 2017
The Guardian points out that THE QUEEN’s 92nd birthday is in April, specifically April 21st. One might think that if Kate and William’s third baby is born anywhere near April 21st, THE QUEEN will immediately banish that newborn to the dungeon for committing treason by upstaging her on her special day, but I doubt it. THE QUEEN probably wishes her newest great-grandchild will be born on her birthday. That way everyone will give their undivided attention to the new baby and she can spend her special day doing what she wants to do (read: slurp up Earl Grey and gin body shots from Prince Philip’s belly button while shaking it to the Downton Abbey soundtrack).
And April is still six months away, so that gives Prince George plenty of time to find a trainer who specializes in building arm muscle on babies. Prince George’s second sibling-in-waiting is going to need strong arms to hold up his 20-foot-long royal cape whenever he wears it, which is almost all the time. He probably wears one to sleep