Over the weekend, the Spanish coastguard got reports of an albino Loch Ness Monster in the Mediterranean Sea, and that could mean only one of two things. Jon Hamm was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea this past weekend, or Michael Fassbender was. It was the second one, but Assbender wasn’t only in Ibiza to take his white crotch Nessie for a dip in the sea, he was also there to become a husband for the first time.
It’s been rumored for weeks that 40-year-old Michael Fassbender and 29-year-old Alicia Vikander were going to get married in Ibiza sometime in October after being together for around 3 years. Both People and E! News says the wedding happened on Saturday in front of family and friends, including Steve McQueen (the director of Shame, not the actor who died in 1980). Because they got married in Ibiza, you’d think that their wedding clothes were made of foam, and instead of exchanging vows, they dropped molly as David Guetta blew a party horn while shouting, “Let me hear you people screeeeeam!” But apparently, they got married at the La Granja farmstead resort. Or if you ask a hardcore Fassbender fan on Tumblr, they signed their relationship contract at the La Granja farmstead resort.
The Daily Mail posted pictures from Sunday of Alicia and Assbender (who is either on molly, or doing a Jim Carrey impersonation, or both) wearing rings on their married fingers while hanging out with friends and family.
Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander wear WEDDING RINGS in Ibiza https://t.co/M5w51kG47G
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) October 16, 2017
Reps for Assbender and Alicia haven’t said anything about their wedding, and they’ll probably never confirm. Only thirsty bottom shelf celeb whores who are desperate for attention release statements about their wedding. Real movie stars don’t need the attention and so they don’t release shit. Instead, they give paparazzi the exact GPS coordinates of where they’ll casually “flash” their new wedding rings.