Comedian and former co-host on The View Michelle Collins got her hands on emails from Sarah Jessica Parker to her staff (Michelle’s friend works for SJP) instructing them on how things should be done around the Parker-Broderick home. According to Page Six, SJP’s directives are very particular in a Joan Crawford kind of way. Michelle read the emails aloud in her stand-up show Magic Mich.
Page Six reports:
In the emails that Collins, 36, claimed were written by Parker herself, the actress, 52, instructs staffers to refill a tiny 1.75-ounce container of Vaseline with a small spoon or knife for her children’s use. She stresses that the refill jar not be too big (so as to not clutter the house), and that the cutlery used to handle the Vaseline must be hand-washed using a paper towel followed by a cycle in the dishwasher.
Oh, to be a fly in the ointment in that room when the Vaseline is allowed to dip below full!! The poor children, having to stick their finger in a jar past the first knuckle. Maybe this instruction is a psychological manifestation stemming SJP’s childhood of deprivation where she was forced to scoop off-brand petroleum jelly from a giant jar to rub on her ashy elbows like I did as a kid. It’s a known fact that SJP wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth but now that she can afford one, it’s for VUO (Vaseline use only). She done come up!
According to Page Six, other instructions also revolve around things being monitored and refilled, like the face and body wash in her 14-year-old son’s personal shower. There is nothing more cruel than making a staff member monitor the shower of a 14 year old boy. Sounds like a human rights violation to me. She’s also given instructions on how hard the children should blink when eye drops are administered (apparently there was a pinkeye outbreak in the household).
But it’s not all cracked whips and stern lectures at Casa Parker-Broderick: Tuesdays are Taco Tuesday!! Break out the sombreros and maracas, mom’s cooking! Sarah’s Taco Tuesday shopping list for her staff specifies “whatever meat goes in tacos”. The flesh of your vanquished enemies is really hard to find without risking felony charges. Still, Kim Cattrall better watch her back.
And in case you were wondering, here’s what happens when SJP runs out of something. HIGH DRAMA!