Pumpkin spice has become the symbol for entitled basics everywhere. A symbol for every millennial walking into the street while texting curses to her Uber driver for being late and then being hit by her Uber arriving. For every annoying, Tory Birch-ed chick named Mackenzie who prattles on about her hot yoga class and keeps a version of her dream board in her cubicle. In short, it’s become a symbol of true evil. But now, pumpkin spice has become more than a symbol. NOW IT CAN KILL YOU!
The Huffington Post has a terrifying story about pumpkin spice hospitalizing people. Don’t run your narrow ass out of Starbucks just yet though, Mackenzie. This happened to high school students. Do kids drink bougie coffee? What happened to the customary Big Gulp and cigarette outside the gym?
Cristo Rey Jesuit High School in Baltimore, Maryland was evacuated and five people were taken to the hospital after a hazmat scare. The school’s website posted that a “strange odor” was detected on the third floor late Thursday afternoon.
“Five members of our community were transported to area hospitals as a precautionary measure,” the school said.
The principal was obviously having a helluva day.
“It was a smell that they certainly weren’t used to,” Bill Heiser, the school’s president, told the Baltimore Sun. “It appeared to be getting stronger.”
Four of the people were treated for nausea related to the odor, the fifth for “an unrelated issue.” (You know that was some kid faking it to get out of school. I would take full advantage as well if I were a surly teen who hated school again.) It turns out that the odor was a plug-in aerosol air freshener? The scent? DEADLY PUMPKIN SPICE. Glade obviously does not play when it comes to the strength of their scents.
The fire department unplugged the deadly pumpkin spice freshener and classes resumed as normal on Friday.
“It’s better safe than sorry,” Baltimore fire spokesman Roman Clark told the newspaper.
Truth. You can’t take anything for granted when it comes to pumpkin spice. Fall used to be about trees dying in a pretty way and supernatural serial killers coming after you. And now it’s become pumpkin spice season which is scarier than lack of health insurance.