The heroic (they put the HO in heroic) newlyweds who redefined romance in their wedding pictures!
Many wedding pictures are sappy wrapped in boring stuffed with basic and drizzled with a heaping spoonful of raw cheese. You know, it’s picture after picture of a couple holding hands while strolling through a lavender field, or face-nuzzling in front of a sunset. BORING! If you’re looking at me like, “Bitch, my favorite wedding picture is of my man and me strolling through a lavender field,” then I’m sorry I have to tell you that your picture is basic and you should’ve taken a tip from this inspirational Dutch couple by telling your man to eat your puss in that lavender field in front of the photographer. Now that is a symbol of everlasting romance!
Photographer Michael Klooster shared my kind of wedding pictures with The Huffington Post. Michael took the pictures at a wedding on August 17 in Leeuwarden, Netherlands. He says that the couple, who wanted their names and faces kept from public eyes, didn’t want typical wedding pictures and wanted to add some spice to the pics. By “spice,” they obviously meant the Spice Channel. (That was a shout out to all of the 90s teenagers who, like me, risked getting in trouble by ordering a Spice Channel movie, only to be disappointed by the fact that they didn’t show any hard dick!)
Michael says that the first picture the couple posed for was pretty tame. It was just them lying on top of each other in a truck.
The pic they really wanted was the blowjob in the woods pic, but they were too shy to ask. So the bride’s mom asked:
“We were taking photos and she [told] me that they wanted that kind of picture, but the bride and groom didn’t dare ask me. Then I just said, ‘Of course, we are gonna do it.’ So I suggested where they need to stand for the right vibe!”
It’s no coincidence that Pimp Mama Kris is part Dutch. The bride’s mom is totally PMK’s long-lost Dutch cousin. I can hear her saying, “Looks uh-maaaaay-zing, sweetie, work that wedded pik*.”
The pics have gone viral in the Netherlands, and Michael has gotten both negative (from prudes) and positive responses. The positive responses are usually from couples who want wedding pics like that too, and the negative responses are obviously from jealous bitches who wish they had wedding pics like that. Because who wouldn’t want a timeless and stunning picture that you can put on your mantle so that your friends and family can look at it and say, “What a tasteful shot.” To which you can say, “Oh, it was. He had pineapple juice before the wedding.”
*The Professor of Dutch Linguistics that is Google Translate tells me that “pik” is Dutch for cock.”