Nearly three seconds after a doomsday cloud fucked us all in the ass when we found out that Donald Trump won the United States presidency, there was a rumor that he was going to offer his first wife, Czech-American gold digging icon Ivana Trump, the U.S. ambassadorship to the Czech Republic. It was later reported that Ivana turned down the gig, and she’s now telling CBS News the reason why. Ivana just didn’t want to give up her lap of luxury lifestyle, dahling!
In an interview with CBS Sunday Morning to push her book Raising Trump, the Patsy Stone cosplayer said that when Trump offered to make her a diplomat, she briefly put down her Baccarat flute full of diamonds and Dom Perignon to wave away the thought of having actual responsibilities.
“I was just offered to be the American ambassador to Czech Republic. Donald told me. He said, ‘Ivana, if you want it, I give it to you. But I like my freedom. I like to do what I want to do, go wherever I want to go with whomever I want to go. And I can afford my lifestyle. Okay, why would I go and say bye-bye to Miami in the winter, bye-bye to Saint-Tropez in the summer, and bye-by to spring and fall in New York? I have a perfect life.”
Melania Trump is looking at Ivana Trump the same way I look at Meghan Markle. She’s looking at her with “Vy can’t I be you?” eyes.
Because while Ivana gets to shop for Chanel on her phone in between licking caviar off of the peen of her boy toy on a yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean, Melania has to wear poor people clothes (aka $1,400 shirts) while touching dirt as she picks gross vegetable in the White House garden with peasants.
Ivana also tells CBS that Trump still asks her for advice, like if he should retire from tweeting. She told him not to.
“I said, ‘I think you should tweet. It’s a new way, a new technology. And if you want to get your words across rightly, without telling The New York Times, which is going to twist every single word of yours, this is how you get your message out.
Well, it’s a tweeting president. This is his new way, how to put the message across. And he’s right.”
I see what Ivana did there. The only thing better than spending your weekdays sipping champagne in a bubble bath is sipping champagne in a bubble bath while cackling over how more and more people are turning on your diarrhea puddle of an ex after he tweeted another turd. Don’t get mad, get everything…. including sweet, sweet revenge!