Amy Schumacher recently paid a visit to the sea creature Alcatraz that is SeaWorld in Orlando and pulled out her cell phone and hit the record button when her eyes took in the awww-inducing sight of imprisoned baby dolphins trying to make friends with free squirrels. The baby dolphins are like, “Squirrels: How do they work?” Those dolphins are probably wondering why those silly-looking crabs are wearing weird-looking furry coats, and why do they get to be free in the world while their asses are locked up? Meanwhile, the squirrels don’t give one fuck about those adorable baby dolphins, because they’re too busy hunting for a piece of hot dog bun that someone’s brat accidentally dropped on the ground.
I’d like to think that dolphins and squirrels can speak telepathically, and are secretly working on a plan to get the former out. If life was a Pixar movie, those squirrels would recruit other squirrel friends and they’d stand on each other’s shoulders, throw a lab coat over them, and pretend to be a human dolphin doctor who has arrived at SeaWorld Orlando to transport the baby dolphins to SeaWorld San Diego. But knowing those damn squirrels, one would run off after spotting a piece of hot dog bun on the ground, and the jig would be up!