Open Post: Hosted By The Unholy Monster Raver Child Of Balenciaga And CROCS! 

October 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Myrtle Snow’s last words on American Horror Story: Coven now make complete sense. When she screamed, “BALENCIAGUUUUUUUH!!!!“, she wasn’t proclaiming her love for them. That magnificent ginger was obviously a future-seer  and was damning Balenciaga and warning us all of the horror they were going to shart up onto the world a few years later.

Last year, designer Christopher Kane pledged his allegiance to the dark-side when he debuted charm-covered CROCS that looked like a diseased tumor with troll warts on it. And during Paris Fashion Week yesterday, Balenciaga also declared their allegiance to the dark-side when they debuted platform CROCS. If you once thought to yourself, “I wonder what it would look like if a CROC went to a 90s rave and shot itself up with a mixture of the wrong kind of liquid Ecstasy and SpongeBob SquarePants’ blood?“, then you obviously have a sick mind and should be thrown into the looney bin at once. But you also got your answer:

Balenciaga hasn’t said how much they’re going to charge for these obese Peeps-looking devil clompers, but fashion people think they’ll cost around $400 a pair, which is crazy price to pay to let the world know that you worship Satan. Wearing a t-shirt with the words “I Heart Satan” on it is a cheaper option. And the one good thing about Balenciaga’s hideously tragic CROCS is that they keep your feet high above the ground, so you won’t feel the tips of the flames from Hell rising up as Satan’s minions celebrate CROCS’ takeover of the fashion world.

Pic: Balenciaga via The Cut 

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