I know, Simon. Katy Perry has spoiled a lot of things for me, too (short hair, award show monologues , Orlando Bloom). Unrepentant bitch in a v-neck sweater Simon Cowell made himself a household name by being the cruel one on the original American Idol. ABC is bringing the show back despite it only having gone off the air last year. And Simon’s got opinions. (It took 35 years to get a sequel to Blade Runner, you desperate-for-advertising dollars hoes!)
This iteration’s judges will be country music’s Luke Bryan, Scott Disick’s potential future father-in-law Lionel Richie, and Katy Perry. Simon, who sticks with what he knows and is currently a judge on America’s Got Talent, didn’t edit himself when he spoke to Extra about the new judges.
Simon told his ex-girlfriend Extra’s Terri Seymour that no one can replace the original fab four of him, high-ass Paula Abdul, Randy “Yo Dawg” Randy Jackson, and frosted-tipped utilahost Ryan Seacrest. (Ryan, by the way, is hosting again.) Simon says that “maybe they should do it without judges” and make it all about the contestants. But how do you choose the winner, then? Would it be to the death?
When I hear all this talk about casting judges, I have to be honest with you, I think this is where they have it wrong it doesn’t matter about the judges, it is about the contestants and that is why everything has gone the wrong way right now.
Simon wouldn’t come back if you paid him the $25 million they’re giving Katy (and already regretting).
He pointed out that he would not return to the show that he helped make famous even if they begged, saying, “You can’t go back! We had the best of times when we did it.”
And Simon doesn’t think it’s possible to recapture the old magic.
“You can’t recreate what we had before, you know, it was me and it was Paula and Randy and Ryan and it was an amazing chemistry there.
I don’t know about chemistry. I know there were chemicals. And those were mostly in Paula’s coffee mug and Seacrest’s hair. And then Simon got bored talking about other people, and the man-witch we all know and love came out.
When Terri asked if he thought Luke was a good fit, Simon quipped, “I genuinely don’t care. Look, in my time, I will tell you the real story on what really happened there and it is an interesting story.”
If that means there’s going to be an American Idol tell-all, it damn well better have Paula Abdul penning more than a few chapters about what a gift she was to that show.