It’s really, really time for Candy Finnigan of Intervention to gather all of Hollywood’s loved ones in the room of an economy hotel, and lead them in begging Hollywood to finally put down the crack pipe and get some help! Because they’ve gone too far when they start thinking about making Kristen Stewart a fucking Charlie’s Angel!
Elizabeth Banks was hired to do the Charlie’s Angels reboot a while ago, and Sony already put it on the calendar for release on June 7, 2019. Variety says that they’re starting to put together their trio of Angels, and at the top of their list are Lupita Nyong’o (okay, okay, I’m into that) and Kristen Stewart (WHAAAAA?!). If you told me months ago that Elizabeth Banks, Lupita Nyong’o and Kristen Stewart of all people were going to join forces to work on a Charlie’s Angels reboot of all things, I’d do whatever I do when a crazed bitch starts spouting about the end of the world on the subway. I’d keep my eyes down and slowly back away from your crazy-sounding ass.
There’s been two American reboots of Charlie’s Angels. The first, as everyone knows, was the movie starring Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz. It also got a sequel co-starring Demi Moore. Both movies are crap, but they’re entertaining crap that I watch whenever possible, and I’ve been waiting for a third movie for years. The second reboot came in 2011 when ABC aired a new Charlie’s Angels series. It tanked hard and fast.
I am all for a third Charlie’s Angel reboot, but it’s all about the casting. If Elizabeth Banks really cared about quality and art, she’d cast the spectacularly talented trio of Frenchy Morgan, Phoebe Price and Shauna Sand. Actually, I don’t think ElizabethBanks would be able to handle the skills of such thespians.
KStew as the villain or a lady Charlie, maybe… But then again, if KStew played a lady Charlie, the Angels would never get their damn mission. By the time Emo Susan Powter slowly dribbled out their mission through that speaker, the villain would’ve already blown up the damn world.