Night Crumbs 

“Well, what you do is you spray some of this MDNA rose mist on your face and it attracts newborn babies to you, and then you use those newborn babies to sacrifice to Satan in exchange for luminous wrinkle-free plastic skin like mine,” said Madonna after one of her skincare customers asked her how he can get skin like hers – Lainey Gossip

Dear Robert Pattinson, please allow me to unburden you from the extreme pain of being a multi-millionaire celebrity by taking all of your money so that you can fulfill your dream of living in a van down by the river. Taking your millions will be hard for me, but I want you to live your dreams! – Celebitchy

Hugh Hefner’s death brought the raw and poetic emotions out of Pamela Anderson – Drunken Stepfather

Amanda Cronin = what you get when you morph together Julianne Hough and Kylie Minogue – The Nip Slip

If you listen closely, you can hear the suffocating cries from Brandi Glanville’s left chichi as it gets smothered by her dress – Reality Tea

Panty Creamer of the Day: That hot Italian math teacher stripping down in a laundromat – Towleroad

My new favorite meditation technique is watching Drag Race queens silently sip Absolut cocktails – OMG Blog

The worst thing about Jessica Biel is her husband, but a close second are those bangs – Popoholic

Err, Zahia Dehar may want to go down to the free clinic and get those daisy-looking nipples looked at – Hollywood Tuna

Please be inspired by Tara Reid’s humbleness. Even though she’s an A-list superstar, she doesn’t think she’s too good to be seen with her ex co-stars from that little movie she was in years ago – SOW

Everyone knows and everyone still doesn’t care because they’re too busy talking about Kylie Jenner’s baby  – Popsugar

I didn’t think it was at all possible, but Broadway is going to get a lot lot gloriously gayer – Just Jared

Pic: Getty