This morning, Steven Seagal brought his stenciled Eddie Munster hairline to talk about politics, his beloved Russia, and NFL players taking a knee. Steven, who appeared via satellite live from Moscow, was asked by lingering pâté fart Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain about the current political climate in the USA. A few years ago, Steven announced he was thinking of running for Governor of Arizona because he’s a real “Build That Wall” type. Last year he became a Russian citizen. So I think you can already guess what Steven had to say about American politics.
On Trump: “I think that we have a really unfortunate situation, in the sense that even though he was democratically elected, there are so many people out there who don’t feel that that’s the case. And we have a ton of enemies within…Any decisions he makes, anything that he tries to do, he gets blocked from the enemies within.”
On NFL players taking a knee during the national anthem: “I believe in free speech, I believe that everyone’s entitled to their own opinion…I think it’s outrageous, I think it’s a joke, it’s disgusting. I respect the American flag. I myself have risked my life countless times for the American flag and I don’t understand or agree with this kind of behavior. I think it’s an outrage.”
On whether or not Russia fixed the election: “Why don’t we really be honest here, Piers, let’s be really honest. Every country is involved in espionage…However, for anyone to think that Vladimir Putin had anything to do with fixing the election, or even that the Russians have that kind of technology, is stupid.”
He goes on to say that Russia and America need each other, and should be “great allies.” Okay Steven, I know you really want a cabinet position in the White House, but you’re coming off desperate.
If Steven wants us to be “really honest here,” then I’ll be really honest. The only thing more laughable than the legitimacy of that Moscow backdrop is when he purrs “Vladimir Puuuutin” at the 3:15 mark. Not to mention that Russia definitely has the skills to hack anything. But let’s pretend for a second that Steven is telling the truth about Russia’s lack of technology. That might explain why he became a Russian citizen; he obviously wants to be surrounded by people who don’t have access to the kind of technology needed to discover how much he sucks as an actor. It could take them years, maybe decades, before the citizens of Russia finally download all of Steven Seagal’s movies and learned the truth.