And I’ve made my official place on a suicide watch list somewhere.
Even though Prince Hot Ginge publicly defended his girlfriend Meghan Markle against racist gross shit, and she was on a 100% Kensington Palace-approved cover of Vanity Fair, and they’ve been photographed everywhere together, some crazy bitches in denial (Why is everyone looking at me?) thought that maybe just maybe, they wouldn’t get engaged and he’d realize that he has a duty to the people. He has a duty to remain single so that the delusional, hard-up whores out there (You’re doing it again, you’re looking at me) think that they have an actual chance with a straight British prince who doesn’t even know or care that they’ve alive. But it looks like the engagement ring necklace (aka a copper-colored cock ring I wear around my neck) that Prince Hot Ginge (aka a PHG cuddle pillow) gave me will soon mean nothing, because these two are totally getting engaged now that they’ve made their official hand-holding official debut at an official event! Let me say official just one more time…
During the opening ceremony of the Invictus Games in Toronto on Saturday, PHG and Meghan didn’t sit together. That was a little tease of what happened today. At the Invictus Games today, PHG and Meghan walked hand-in-hand into a wheelchair tennis match and pretty much let everyone know that they’re all-the-way in love, and when they’re not walking hand-in-hand into wheelchair tennis matches, they’re fucking each other’s hair off (or judging by the current state of PHG’s still hot bald spot, she’s fucking the hair off of him).
PHG and Meghan talked to some of the relatives of the athletes while in the audience, and one tells People that they talked mostly about the match and not about what people REALLY REALLY care about:
“[There] was no wedding talk at all. They seemed lovely. They were having a lovely time.”
One reader dropped this hand-holding pic into my inbox and asked if my down-and-out retina busted off of my eyeball after seeing it. But actually, the opposite happened. My retinas clung to my eyeballs tighter than Duchess Kate clung to Prince William before he finally proposed. Because now that PHG and Meghan held hands in front of photographers at an official event, it’s only a matter of time before they kiss in front of photographers at an official event. And when they kiss, there’s a chance that PHG may get a real boner in his khakis. My eyeballs need to be in full working order when that happens.