Scat Fetishists Have Found Their Dream Girl In Colorado Springs

September 20, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s some people whose assholes refuse to spit out a turd unless they are in the privacy of their own bathroom. Then there’s other people whose assholes never get the shies and can easily make a caca anytime, anyplace. One of those kinds of people is now terrorizing a family in Colorado Springs, CO by doing drive-by poopings on their front lawn.  The family is pissed about the pooping, which is weird since the cost of lawn manure is too damn high and they’re getting that shit for free.

KKTV (which doesn’t stand for Kim Kardashian TV even though this is a story about bodily fluids) became an Emmy frontrunner when they first reported about the runner with the runs who has been making regular shit stops on the Budde’s lawn for weeks. Cathy Budde tells KKTV that she first found out about the poopetrator, who has been dubbed The Mad Pooper, when her kids told her that a jogger was taking a dookie on their lawn. Even though PuStain Bolt literally gave a shit on that lawn, she didn’t give a shit about getting caught.

“They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!’ So I come outside, and I’m like … ‘are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids!?’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry!'”

Cathy believes that The Mad Pooper’s ass has been attacking her lawn with caca bombs every week for at least seven weeks. But The Mad Pooper doesn’t only turn Cathy’s lawn into her toilet. Neighbors say they’ve seen her taking a dump at Walgreens and in backyards too. I got the image of The Mad Pooper cleaning her b-hole after shitting by scooting it across Cathy’s lawn Toby-style, but she apparently brings toilet paper with her. I also guessed that maybe The Mad Pooper’s got a new live-in piece and is one of those types who doesn’t like to shit when her piece is home, but Cathy says that there’s a Porta Potty in the park near her house.

Cathy put a sign on her lawn that reads, “Please, I’m Begging You, Please Stop,” but that didn’t work. Cathy finally called the cops, who are now investigating and say that when The Mad Pooper is caught, she could be hit with charges for indecent exposure and public defecation. Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti gave the interview of his career when he said that investigating the biggest shit bomb to hit Colorado Springs since OneRepublic is a first for him.

“It’s abnormal, it’s not something I’ve seen in my career. For someone to repeatedly do such a thing … it’s uncharted territory for me.”

Lt. Howard Black, also of the Colorado Springs Police Department, tells The Washington Post that if it’s a mental health thing, they want to get The Mad Pooper some help.

My brain pooted up a load of question marks over this story. Why is The Mad Pooper doing this? Did Cathy cut in front of her in the bathroom line at Red Robin and this is her way of getting revenge? Also, why haven’t the cops caught her yet? Are there that many white lady joggers who shit on the same lawn every week in Colorado Springs? It can’t be that hard to follow the scent of her trail. And lastly, why is Cathy Budde so damn nice? If a SUCIO scat queen is on your private lawn, making a mess that you have to clean up, it’s perfectly okay for you to turn your garden hose on that trick or sic your dog on them. Cathy really needs an abuelita in her life. It’d be very hard for The Mad Pooper to finish pooping if she’s running from an angry abuelita with a switch.

Pic: KKTV

Tags: ,
SHARE
Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >