Would You Hit It? One Dude Said Yes And The Fire Department Had To Be Called 

September 19, 2017 / Posted by:

 

This story makes me think of the famous line from Field of Dreams: If you build it, he will come… after fucking it.

Metro UK brings us yet more proof that dudes will stick their dicks in any hole. Now, most dudes stick their peen into normal, regular things like an overripe honeydew melon that’s been furthered softened by gentle taps from a rubber hammer, or a hallowed-out Pillsbury dough log that’s been dipped in slightly warm olive oil (it’s just the right kind of greasy). But then there’s some extra kinky, next level (and dumber than a barbel) dudes who like a challenge and will look at a 5 pound weight at the gyn and think, “I’m here to pump that up.

The Guinness World Record for the longest laugh ever was probably made last Friday morning by a German emergency operator who got the call that a man got horny for a weight and got his dick stuck in its hole and needed help from firefighters. I’m no weightfucker, but I can’t blame that dumbass. That 5 pound weight does look pretty hot. But he should’ve played with something more his speed, like a lesser weight, because that 5 pounder has obviously been doing its kegels and is tighter than a frugal grandma on your birthday.

By the way, this happened in the German city of Worms. Worms.

The dude apparently stuck it to the weight at the gym, and had to go the hospital where doctors couldn’t help him and had to call the fire department. The hell kind of doctors are those? Didn’t they learn in med school that the surefire way to shrivel up a dick is to show it a picture of Woody Allen sucking on an ice pop? When firefighters showed up, it took them three hours and a bunch of rescue tools to free the dick. The Rock is laughing at that. He wears a 50 pound weight as a cock ring, and if he wanted to free himself of it, he’d just have to dick flex real quick and his peen’s muscles would break that bitch in two.

This is the Facebook message that the fire department in Worms wrote about the weight fuck gone wrong situation:

Einsatzbericht: strange accident – help for the hospital

How sensitive to the use of our fire department can be a message of the somewhat different kind that was received on Friday morning, 15.09.2017, at the control centre. The Boroughs was called to the hospital in worms. One person had a very sensitive part of the body trapped in the hole of a 2,5 kg-dumbbell disc. With the help of the grinder, a vibrations saw and a hydraulic emergency, the dumbbell weight could be removed after three hours.

The and a fireman of the volunteer unit centre were in use.

Please do not imitate such actions!

A Redditor posted what they claim is a before picture of the dick in the weight. It’s NSFW, but if you’re at work and someone catches you looking at it, just tell them that it’s not what they think. It’s really a picture a baby elephant playing with a flat, black donut. If you’ve got a dick, pull out a tiny defibrillator, because it’s going to have a coronary after looking at this horror show.

And this is an after picture of the weight:

fuckweightgerman

I bet that dude keeps a picture of that destroyed weight on his phone and shows it to his bros while saying, “Dude, look at this pussy, I really tore that shit up!” Please, if anything got tore up it’s that dude’s dick. That 5 pound weight’s pussy game is so damn hardcore that the Jaws of Life had to be brought out.

Pics: FacebookPerform Better (that source name is just too perfect for this story)

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