Whatever Kevin Hart may lack in height he more than makes up for in a lot of damn nerve. When ‘Lil Kev got busted on tape doing something in the back seat of a car last July, he responded with a meme of himself on Instagram laughing off the allegations. Then, a couple of days ago he came out with a “whaa whaa I’m sowwy” video on Instagram when somebody tried to blackmail his chipmunk sounding ass with the squeakquel. Now it looks like Kevin may be trying to unseat Liam Neeson from his Taken throne by proving he’s also got a very particular set of skills; namely being so damn rich that his pregnant wife, Eniko Parrish, is claiming she doesn’t care what’s in the box (surprise, it’s his penis) and that she’s sticking with him in his quest to vanquish the mysterious extortionist(s).
According to People:
“Despite Kevin’s well-known affection for the ladies, he loves his family, and his wife is behind him with the extortion case,” said another source close to Parrish. “That kind of thing comes with the territory, and he will do everything to beat it.”
“The legal issue seems to be more important to the family than any sexual gossip that goes along with it,” added the second source.
Be honest with me, is Sexual Gossip a good name for my retro 80’s girl band or nah?
TMZ reports that Kev is very involved with the investigation which involves unknown parties who have already released a bizarre sounding smoking gun of a tape.
It appears there’s more than one person involved in the extortion plot, and as one person familiar with the investigation tells us, “Sometimes they seem incredibly sophisticated, and other times they just seem downright dumb.”
Apparently the police first thought it might be the woman who appears in the video but she said it wasn’t her, lawyered up and offered to take a lie detector test (for money). Now the extortionists (is The Extortionists a good name for my retro 00’s alt-country band or nah?) claim that they are doing it for the money but also for the good of mankind? According to TMZ, they also claim that Kevin only did a bunch of hurricane relief fundraising to get deflect attention from the scandal. Here’s a clip of the video which is hella boring and requires way too much slow reading.
I’m going to have to say that these are some real dummies who will get caught real soon and that Kevin is going to surprise us all by appearing in a screwball comedy about two buddy cops who take on inept gang of sexual blackmailers co-starring David Boreanaz.